Ghost Time

looking at me, and I was just like, Please? Say something. This is awful.
    I’ll get you a sweater, she said, walking up, rubbing both my arms to get the circulation flowing, and then walking to her bedroom. I loved the sweater she brought me. It was an old fisherman’s sweater, and it was so big, it fit me like a dress. It was my father’s, she said, smiling. You can wear it anytime you’re here, Thea. Thank you, I said, hoping she could read the look on my face, see how bad I felt. You’re welcome, she said, reading it. Buttrust me, I won’t get suckered into calling your mom again without asking for more details. She’s furious, she said, and I knew, but I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. Save it, Karen said, she’s worried. And I go, I’m sorry, and Karen goes, Don’t tell me, tell her. I will, I said. Can I still stay? Of course, she said. You hungry? she asked, and I didn’t even realize I was famished until she asked. Smells so good, I said, because Karen cooks, like really cooks. Cam and Karen, they ate dinner together. At the table. Every night. At my house, we save that for special occasions, when we’re on our best behavior.
    Stew, she said, shrugging, and that was the first time I noticed the dark circles under her eyes. You’re free to go hang out in his room while I finish, she said. Thanks, I said. I won’t touch anything, I said, and she goes, Believe me, between the police, the FBI, and me, everything has been touched. Fortunately or unfortunately, Cam kept his room spotless, and practically fingerprintless, too, they say. Anyhow, go on in, she said, so I walked down the hall, and I knew, from all the times I’d snuck in and out, which floorboard creaked. I tiptoed over them, because it was a habit, and then I realized I might never sneak out of Cam’s house again. It made my throat get blocked up, and when I got to the door, I almost didn’t want to open it. But I did, and the room was so empty. Nothing had changed, and everything looked just like Karen said, but without his computer, without his body, his spirit, the room was sad. Seriously, how can a room be sad?
    It was so dark, my shadow was at least ten feet tall. I just stood there, at the door, looking in, thinking about him. Thinking about the last time we were there together, two weeks beforehe disappeared, and it seemed like a lifetime ago. And it was—it was a lifetime ago. I went to his closet and opened it, taking out one of his old jean jackets. Another hand-me-down of his father’s, a seventies-style Wrangler denim jean jacket with thick shearling lining. I held it to my nose, smelling his collar. Thea? Karen called, and I jumped, quickly put the jacket back, closing the closet. I shouldn’t have touched—I said I wouldn’t, and I was sorry, and I whispered it to him, as if he could see me: I’m sorry, I’m sorry….
    You all right, Thee? Karen asked, walking down the hall as I stepped out of Cam’s room. Yeah. Just needed a moment, I said, trying to smile. Time to eat, she said. They searched his room? I asked, following her back to the kitchen. Top to bottom, she said. Three times. Nothing? They didn’t find anything? I asked. Nope, she said, pulling out a chair at the table for me. Then she goes, I have something for you, holding a box. When I saw what they were, she said, I didn’t look. I know it’s private, so I took it before the police came, she said. I thought you’d want it.
    I opened it, and they were pictures I’d given Cam. Scraps of paper, notes from our first tutoring session, a sketch I was working on, the first day we ever met in the library, after school. It was a drawing I did of Stephen Hawking, wearing an American Apparel gold lamé leotard. Can I have this? I said, closing the lid and looking up. Of course, she said, it’s yours, isn’t it? And for the first time all week, since the day I took his car, I felt like crying. Karen walked over and kissed the top of my head. Want to hear a secret? she asked, touching the back of my head, taking her seat. Honestly, Karen, I don’t know if I can take any moresecrets, I said, swallowing to keep from crying. This one you can, she said: Sit down. So I did.
    She took a sip of wine, then she told me. She said, The first day you two met, he came home and told me all about you. Cam would kill me if he knew I told you that, but that’s what he gets for leaving the two of us alone, right? she said, setting down a big bowl of stew in front of me.