Ghost Time

on, ignoring the incoming messages, and I dialed Karen. I didn’t think she’d answer, but she did. She goes, What’s going on, sweetheart? I go, I have a big favor to ask you.
    Okay, she said, and I go, I’ll understand if you say no, but I hope you’ll say yes, and she goes, Thea, tell me what the favor is, and we’ll find out. So I took a deep breath, and I said, I was just wondering… and then I had to clear my throat, because I couldn’t say it. Could I sleep in Cam’s room tonight? I asked. She didn’t say anything for a minute, and then she said, Yes. Thank you, I said, able to breathe again. Do you need a ride? she asked, and I said, No, I’ll walk. Well, I’ll be here, she said, and then, as she was about to hang up, I said, Oh, wait, Karen? Karen? And I just caught her.
    One other thing? I asked, wincing. Now you’re worrying me, she said. Out with it, and I said, It’s just that, would you call my mom and tell her I’m spending the night at your place? Karen didn’t say anything, and I thought maybe she was angry with me, then she started laughing. I said, What’s so funny? But then I started laughing at her laughing, reaching the street, heading toward town. Then Karen goes, No wonder Cam loves you. I couldn’t help smiling, because, I don’t know, you don’t throw that word around, but at the same time tears came to my eyes, and I thought I was going to start crying again, right in the middle of wherever the hell I was. So I rolled back my eyes, and I said, Karen? Her voice got all soft, and she goes, Yes, darling? And Igo, So you’ll call my mom? I could hear her nodding her head at me, unbelievable. See you soon, she said, hanging up.
    It took me about ten minutes, but I made it to the highway, to the gas station. It’s the easiest way to Karen’s, cutting across town, so I walked to the station, coming from behind, where the toilets are. The station looked deserted, and I was looking at the fluorescent lights over the pumps, when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. On the wall, behind the gas station, in these huge letters, like four-feet tall, someone had graffitied: NBN .
    I stepped forward to touch the cement, because it was dripping—the paint was still fresh. I rubbed it into my fingers, but then I couldn’t breathe, because it was Cam’s handwriting: it was his. Right away, I reached in my bag and pulled out Hubble, flipping through, looking for one of the pages where he’d signed one of his equations—last winter, he got on this kick, signing all his equations with this ridiculous NBN , Natural Born Ninja, right, like he was Picasso or something—and when I found one, I held it up to the wall: same. Exactly the same. It was Cam’s handwriting, his tag: he was here, right here. I looked around, turned around, yelling, Where are you? Cam, where are you?! Then the guy came out, the cashier—same guy that was working the night I started crying about the dog, and when the guy saw me, he was like, whoa . He looked like he almost didn’t believe himself, saying, It’s you, and I go, Hey, raising my hand. He stepped around the corner, then he saw the wall and he balked, seeing the graffiti. Then he looked at me and he goes, Did you do that? I go, Do Ilook like a tagger? And he goes, Just asking. I said, No, I just got here—it’s still wet. Then he goes, I heard screaming. You okay? I thought about it, then I said, Not really, but thanks for asking, and I put the notebook back in my bag, walking back to the road, before I started running again.
    I have no idea how I did it, but I was way, way across town. It took me forty-five minutes to get to Cam’s house, and when I did, when I knocked, the door flew open, like Karen had been waiting for me with her hand on the door the whole time, since I called. Oh, man… when I saw her—I mean, the way she looked at me, opening the screen door, I almost wished I’d gone home to face my own mom. You could have called, Karen said, opening the door, and I practically whimpered, I’m sorry, I didn’t know where I was, and I just wanted to walk, and I didn’t think it’d take so long—. Inside, she said, giving me the mom look, and I walked in and turned around, looking at her, trying to show her how sorry I was with my eyes, if I couldn’t really tell her so. But once I was inside, I realized how cold I was. I didn’t dress for being out after dark, and it was still cold at night. She just stood there,