Ghostwalker 03 - Night Game

to me. Anything but this. Anything at all. I can’t do this. She sent the silent prayer over and over while she slid her hand up to feel the port, hoping she was having a nightmare. She felt the edges of the dressing and knew the port was stitched in place and the catheter was under her skin.

    The person to her left moved to the edge of the bed and bent over her. She smelled him.
    Knew his touch. She reached for rage, needed it to survive, but there was only pain. She gasped aloud, shocked at the intensity of her anguish. She’d never felt so raw, so ripped open and vulnerable.

    “I know you’re awake. I can hear your heart, your breathing. Open your eyes, Flame. It isn’t what you think.” Raoul’s voice was low, almost pleading.

    “No?” She lifted her lashes, couldn’t stop the tears from swimming where he could see them, but she didn’t look at him. Couldn’t look at him. “You didn’t seduce me? You didn’t drug me and take me to the one place you knew I swore I’d never go back to? You warned me. I can’t say that you didn’t. You said you were supposed to bring me back, but I let you seduce me into forgetting.”

    “Flame, you know better. Look at me. You know it wasn’t like that.”

    She was going to be sick. Her stomach churned and she could hear the silent screams in her head growing louder. There was so much pain. She hadn’t expected it to be so bad, the utter humiliation of knowing he had slept with her to do his job.

    Surprisingly she wasn’t restrained. She struggled into a sitting position, batting away his hands when he tried to help her. “Don’t touch me. I never want you to touch me again.”
    She pressed a hand to her stomach. “Where’s the bathroom? I’m going to be sick.” It was already too late. He shoved a small tray into her hands and she was further humiliated by throwing up over and over again in front of him.

    He left her side for a brief moment to return with a cool washcloth and towel. She took it without looking at him. She knew if she looked, if she saw his face and his lying eyes, the terrible storm inside of her would crash over her and she would break apart, shatter so completely that she wouldn’t be Flame anymore.

    Raoul took the small tray from her, dumped it and rinsed it out, returning it to the bed within reach of her hand. The sight of the tray triggered childhood memories. Ugly.
    Torturous. She felt dizzy and for a moment couldn’t catch her breath.

    Control. Discipline. Patience. She repeated the mantra silently. She knew what she had to do. She was prepared; she’d been prepared ever since the first moment of her escape.
    Death wasn’t nearly as bad as living as a lab rat.

    She let her breath out slowly. “I guess you didn’t believe me when I told you I’d destroy everything before I’d be put in a cage again. I’m willing to die here, Raoul, are you?
    Because you have about two minutes to get the hell out and take everyone else with you.”

    “Why warn me, Flame? Why not just do it?”

    “Get out, Raoul.” She was tired. Desperately tired and drained. The screams in her head had subsided, but now, somewhere deep inside she was silently weeping. Great terrible sobs that she couldn’t control were shredding her heart. Her body shook with sobs, her chest ached and her throat was nearly closed with the tears clogging it, but no sound escaped. She refused to give that to him.

    “I’m not leaving your side.”

    “Look, you did your job. You can go tell all your buddies how great you are. You royally fucked me.”

    “ Maudit ! That’s not the way it was.”

    “That’s exactly the way it was. You knew you couldn’t force me back so you pretended to fall in love with me.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I fell for every word you said. Be proud of yourself. Maybe Whitney will give you a nice bonus. Just get the hell out of here. I can’t stand the sight of you.” She pressed the wet cloth over her face, hoping it would cool her burning eyes.

    “You would never have come in on your own, Flame. Never.”

    “Where am I? The room is soundproofed, but it’s no hospital.”

    “I couldn’t risk taking you to Lily’s home. All of us stay there on and off and Lily’s pregnant. If you decided to retaliate, I had to find a way to contain the damage. You can kill me, Flame, but I’m not going to let you take out the others. They only did what I asked them to do because they wanted to help