Glitch

Anastasiu
    fi nally whispered, wiping my eyes with my forearm. “I
    feel like I’m full of all these pulsing pieces barely contained
    by my skin, like a rip might start in one place and then it
    would all fl y apart.” I broke off , staring up at the ceiling and
    shaking my head. “I just mess everything up. I can’t do this
    right. I don’t know how to be human. I’m doing it wrong.
    I just can’t—”
    “I’m sorry, Zoe.” Adrien gently put one hand behind my
    head and tugged it forward until his forehead touched mine.
    “I’m so sorry. But hurt is part of being human.”
    “But is it worth it?” I looked into his green eyes, so close
    to mine. “What if the Community is right? Wouldn’t it be
    better to never feel hurt or pain? Aren’t we better off with-
    out it?”
    His brows came together, his whole face softening. “Zoe,
    I know it hurts right now, but believe me, it’s worth it. I
    know all you’ve seen is the bad side of emotion lately, but
    I promise you, you’ll fi nd the other side of it too.”
    I pulled away. “What, like plea sure?” My voice cracked.
    “That’s all Max can think about.”
    “No, not just plea
    sure. There’s other things, like, I
    mean—” He paused, looking away from me at the wall.
    “Like love.” His voice was soft. “It’s a word that has so many
    diff erent meanings. Especially with family. No matter how
    much they hurt you.” He leaned his head back against the
    wall, staring out into space.
    “Love doesn’t sound like a very good thing then,” I said.
    “It seems highly illogical. My brother got killed because he
    loved me.”
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    G L I TC H
    “No.” His voice was adamant. “It wasn’t love that killed
    him. It was this shunted- up system.”
    His eyelashes glinted in the dim light and his voice was
    intense. “Love between two people can make life worth
    living. Real love between two people . . .” He gulped sud-
    denly and looked down at his hands. “It’s like this amazing
    explosion of joy. It’s way deeper than just normal happiness.
    It fi lls you to the very core, makes you whole.” He coughed
    a little. “At least that’s what, you know, what people say
    anyway. And friendship is a kind of love, too.”
    I thought back to my fi ght with Max. “Max doesn’t seem
    to think friendship is enough.”
    “Well,” Adrien said reluctantly, the warm openness of a
    few moments ago hardening. “I guess it’s probably hard to
    deal with all the intense emotion and sensation, suddenly
    and all at once. He’s never been taught how to cope with it.
    It’s gotta be overwhelming for him.”
    “He doesn’t seem overwhelmed. Just angry.”
    Adrien shrugged, smiling even though his eyebrows
    looked heavy and sad. “Anger’s part of it too. It’s a powerful
    emotion. All these emotions both of you guys are having—
    you were supposed to learn how to deal with them as you
    grew up, but you were robbed of that chance. What you feel
    for each other, I’m sure it’s really powerful for both of you.
    And he’s a teenage guy, so . . .”
    He scratched his head and looked away from my gaze.
    “So you know, it’s tough.” He reddened suddenly.
    Adrien let out a short, strangled laugh that sounded
    diff erent from his normal laugh. “It’s just a little diff erent for
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    Heather Anastasiu
    boys. I mean, a lot of the time, even guys I know who’ve
    never been cracking chipped, all they can think about is . . .”
    His face turned red, “is, well, um. The passions.”
    I blinked. “Really? Do you?”
    His mouth dropped open a little and he got even redder. “I
    mean, sure, yeah, you know, sometimes. Not all the time,”
    he fi nished hurriedly.
    I looked at him strangely, sniffl
    ing and wiping my nose
    one last time. “No, I don’t know what you mean.”
    “Why is your face becoming discolored?” I asked, mysti-
    fi ed. “Are you all right?”
    “I’m fi ne,” he said, his laugh high-
    pitched and odd-
    sounding again. His eyes widened and he made a little
    choking noise. He scratched the back of his head again and
    looked away.
    “Really, why is your face that color?”
    He laughed. “Just ’cause I’m embarrassed. I’m even em-
    barrassed telling you I’m embarrassed!”
    “Why?”
    “This is a crackin’ intimate topic, I guess.” Adrien’s face
    went a little rigid. “But listen to me, Zoe. Don’t let that
    shunter Max pressure you to do anything.”
    “But you just said it’s not