Good Omens

that Aziraphale had stood up.
    â€œExcuse me,” said the angel.
    The trio looked at him.
    â€œThis Great Plan,” he said, “this would be the ineffable Plan, would it?”
    There was a moment’s silence.
    â€œIt’s the Great Plan,” said the Metatron flatly. “You are well aware. There shall be a world lasting six thousand years and it will conclude with—”
    â€œYes, yes, that’s the Great Plan all right,” said Aziraphale. He spoke politely and respectfully, but with the air of one who has just asked an unwelcome question at a political meeting and won’t go away until he gets an answer. “I was just asking if it’s ineffable as well. I just want to be clear on this point.”
    â€œIt doesn’t matter!” snapped the Metatron. “It’s the same thing, surely!”
    Surely? thought Crowley. They don’t actually know . He started to grin like an idiot.
    â€œSo you’re not one hundred percent clear on this?” said Aziraphale.
    â€œIt’s not given to us to understand the ineffable Plan,” said the Metatron, “but of course the Great Plan—”
    â€œBut the Great Plan can only be a tiny part of the overall ineffability,” said Crowley. “You can’t be certain that what’s happening right now isn’t exactly right, from an ineffable point of view.”
    â€œIt izz written!” bellowed Beelzebub.
    â€œBut it might be written differently somewhere else,” said Crowley. “Where you can’t read it.”
    â€œIn bigger letters,” said Aziraphale.
    â€œUnderlined,” Crowley added.
    â€œTwice,” suggested Aziraphale.
    â€œPerhaps this isn’t just a test of the world,” said Crowley. “It might be a test of you people, too. Hmm?”
    â€œGod does not play games with His loyal servants,” said the Metatron, but in a worried tone of voice.
    â€œWhooo-eee,” said Crowley. “Where have you been ?”
    Everyone found their eyes turning toward Adam. He seemed to be thinking very carefully.
    Then he said: “I don’t see why it matters what is written. Not when it’s about people. It can always be crossed out.”
    A breeze swept across the airfield. Overhead, the assembled hosts rippled, like a mirage.
    There was the kind of silence there might have been on the day before Creation.
    Adam stood smiling at the two of them, a small figure perfectly poised exactly between Heaven and Hell.
    Crowley grabbed Aziraphale’s arm. “You know what happened?” he hissed excitedly. “He was left alone! He grew up human! He’s not Evil Incarnate or Good Incarnate, he’s just … a human incarnate—”
    Then:
    â€œI think,” said the Metatron, “that I shall need to seek further instructions.”
    â€œI alzzo,” said Beelzebub. His raging face turned to Crowley. “And I shall report of your part in thizz, thou hast better believe it.” He glared at Adam. “And I do not know what thy Father will say … ”
    There was a thundering explosion. Shadwell, who had been fidgeting with horrified excitement for some minutes, had finally got enough control of his trembling fingers to pull the trigger.
    The pellets passed through the space where Beelzebub had been. Shadwell never knew how lucky he had been that he’d missed.
    The sky wavered, and then became just sky. Around the horizon, the clouds began to unravel.
    MADAME TRACY BROKE THE SILENCE.
    â€œWeren’t they odd,” she said.
    She didn’t mean “weren’t they odd”; what she did mean she probably could never hope to express, except by screaming, but the human brain has amazing recuperative powers and saying “weren’t they odd” was part of the rapid healing process. Within half an hour, she’d be thinking she’d just had too much to drink.
    â€œIs it over, do you think?” said Aziraphale.
    Crowley shrugged. “Not for us, I’m afraid.”
    â€œI don’t think you need to go worryin’,” said Adam gnomically. “I know all about you two. Don’t you worry.”
    He looked at the rest of the Them, who tried not to back away. He seemed to think for a while, and then he said, “There’s been too much messin’ around anyway. But it seems to me everyone’s goin’ to be a lot happier if they forget about this.