Hater

up to Ed's bed. She peers at me over the top rung with wide, saucer-shaped eyes.
    'Nothing,' I answer, rolling over and giving her space to climb up with me. She puffs and pants and drags herself onto the bed.
    'What are you doing in here?'
    It's difficult to answer. I'm not exactly sure myself.
    'Nothing,' I say again.
    'You looking at the dead lady?' she asks in a remarkably innocent and matter-of-fact way.
    'No, I'm just lying down for a while. I'm tired.'
    'Why are you lying on Ed's bed? Why aren't you lying on yours and Mummy's bed?'
    Her questions never seem to stop. I wish they would. I'm not in the mood to answer them.
    'I wanted to watch the TV,' I tell her, not being entirely honest. 'I haven't got one in my bedroom.'
    'Why not watch the other telly with the rest of us?'
    'Ellis,' I say, stifling a yawn and pulling her closer, 'shut up, will you.'
    'You shut up,' she mumbles under her breath. She yawns too and shuffles closer to me.
    For a little while the room is quiet again and I begin to wonder whether Ellis has fallen asleep. But it's not just this room that's quiet - the whole flat is ominously silent. In the distance I can just about hear the muffled sounds of the TV in the living room. Are they being quiet or is there something wrong with the others? Is it because of what's happening outside, or is the isolation and uncertainty starting to have an effect on the rest of my family? Is one of them about to start changing, or have they already changed...? I find myself thinking about what's happening outside again and I'm depressed by a constant stream of dark and uncomfortable thoughts. Surely things can't continue like this indefinitely? There has to come a point when something gives or the situation resolves itself, doesn't there? I don't have any answers and I'm actually relieved when Ellis decides to attack me with another barrage of much easier questions.
    'Will we be going back to school tomorrow?' she asks naively.
    'I don't think so,' I reply.
    'The next day?'
    'I don't know.'
    'The next day?'
    'I don't know. Look, Ellis, we don't know when school's going to be open again. Hopefully it won't be too long.'
    'I'm going on a trip next week.'
    'I know.'
    'My class is going to a farm.'
    'I know.'
    'We're going on a coach.'
    'I know.'
    'Will we still be able to go?'
    'I hope so.'
    'Will you take me if school's still shut?'
    'I'll take you.'
    She seems happy with that and, again, she becomes quiet. I lie back and close my eyes. The day so far has been long and emotionally draining and it has taken its toll. My eyes feel heavy. In just a few short minutes I feel Ellis' body go limp in my arms. Her breathing changes, becoming shallow and steady and I look down at her. She's dozing, completely relaxed and almost asleep. In a world which has suddenly become completely irrational, unpredictable and fucked-up she remains perfect and unaltered. This little girl means everything to me.
    I'm tired. I close my eyes.
    I was almost asleep for a second until the image of the girl in the supermarket this morning returned. For a terrifying moment I imagined that it was Ellis, and that she was attacking Lizzie lying on the ground. I'm frightened. I'm petrified by the prospect that whatever it is that's happening outside will eventually find its way into my home and harm my family.
    I try to imagine this beautiful little girl attacking me.
    I try to imagine me attacking her.

26

    It's just before midnight. The children are asleep. We're sitting in the living room in silence and in almost total darkness. Harry, Liz and I couldn't be sitting any further apart from each other in here. Harry's opposite the window, looking out through half-drawn curtains. Liz is by the door, staring into space. The television has been off all night. No-one's saying anything new so there's no point watching. The lack of information is just making things worse.
    'Anyone want a drink?' I offer. This silence is unbearable.
    'Not for me,' answers Harry. I look over at Lizzie. She shakes her head and looks down. She hasn't spoken for hours. We had a conversation about the kids just after they'd gone to bed but since then she's hardly said anything.
    The room is filled with dull, rumbling noise and a sudden flash of light as a huge ball of flame mushrooms up into the sky from a building nearby.
    'What in hell's name was that?' Harry grumbles as he gets up from his chair and staggers to the window. He pulls the curtains fully open and I stand