Hexed

tightrope of the zeitgeist, educate me. How should I have responded? «
    » First, get rid of ‘well.’ Nobody uses that anymore either. Now they always say, ‘I’m good.’ «
    Leif frowned. » But that is grammatically improper. «
    » These people don’t care about proper. You can tell them they’re trying to use an adjective as an adverb and they’ll just stare at you like you’re a toad. «
    » Their educational system has suffered serious setbacks, I see. «
    » Tell me about it. So what you should have said was, ‘I’m not stoked like you, Atticus, but I’m chill.’ «
    » I’m ‘chill’? That means I am well—or good, as you say? «
    » Correct. «
    » But that’s nonsense! « Leif protested.
    » It’s modern vernacular. « I shrugged. » Date yourself if you want, but if you keep using nineteenth-century diction, people will start to think you’re a spooky bastard. «
    » They already think that. «
    » You mean because you only come out at night and you suck their blood? « I said in a tiny, innocent voice.
    » Precisely, « Leif said, unaffected by my teasing.
    » No, Leif. « I shook my head in all seriousness. » They don’t figure that out until much later, if they ever figure it out at all. These people think you’re spooky because of the way you talk and the way you behave. They can tell you don’t belong. Believe me, it’s not that you have skin like two-percent milk. Lots of people are scared of skin cancer out here in the Valley of the Sun. It’s once you start talking that people get creeped out. They know you’re old then. «
    » But I am old, Atticus! «
    » And I’ve got at least a thousand years on you, or have you forgotten? «
    He sighed, the weary ancient vampire who had no need for respiration. » No, I have not forgotten. «
    » Fine. Don’t complain to me about being old. I hang out with these college kids and they have no clue that I’m not one of them. They think my money comes from an inheritance or a trust fund, and they want to have a drink with me. «
    » I find the college children delightful. I would like to have a drink with them too. «
    » No, Leif, you want to drink of them, and they can sense that subconsciously because you radiate this predatory aura. «
    His affectation of a henpecked husband sloughed away and he looked at me sharply. » You told me they can’t sense my aura as you do. «
    » No, they can’t consciously sense it. But they pick up on your otherness , mostly because you don’t respond like you should or act like a man of your cosmetic age. «
    » How old do I look? «
    » Ehh, « I appraised him, looking for wrinkles. » You look like you’re in your late thirties. «
    » I look that old? I was turned in my late twenties. «
    » Times were tougher back then. « I shrugged again.
    » I suppose. I have come to talk to you about those times, if you are free for the span of an hour or so. «
    » Right, « I replied, rolling my eyes. » Just let me go get my hourglass and my freakin’ smoking jacket. Listen to yourself, Leif! Do you want to blend in or not? The span of an hour? Who says shit like that anymore? «
    » What’s wrong with that? «
    » No one is so formal! You could just say ‘if you’re free’ and end it there, though it would have been better to say ‘if you ain’t doin’ nothing.’ «
    » But I enjoyed the anapestic meter of ‘for the span of an hour’ followed by the iamb— «
    » Gods Below, you compose your sentences in blank verse? No wonder you can’t carry on a half hour’s conversation with a sorority girl! They’re used to talking with frat boys, not Shakespearean scholars! «
    › Atticus? You’re home? ‹ It was my Irish wolfhound, Oberon, speaking directly to my mind through the connection we share. He was probably on the other side of the door, listening to us talk. I told Leif to hold on a second as I spoke with him.
    Yes, Oberon, I’m home. Leif’s out here on the front porch, acting his age .
    › I know, I smelled him earlier. It’s like Eau de Death or something. I didn’t bark, though, like you said. ‹
    You’re a good hound. Want to come hang out with us?
    › Sure! ‹
    I have to warn you, it might be boring. He wants to talk about something for a while, and he’s looking particularly grim and Nordic. It might be epic .
    › That’s okay. You can rub my belly the whole time. I promise to be still. ‹
    Thanks, buddy. I promise we’ll go for a run when he leaves . I