Hidden Riches

door open. “And as you can see, I’m perfectly fine.”
    He slapped a hand against the door before she could close it. “You had no right—”
    “Don’t tell me about rights,” she interrupted, very cool, very calm. “I spent the evening as I chose to spend it.”
    Anger and resentment bubbled inside him. “And how was that?”
    “Alone.” She took off her coat and hung it in the closet.
    “You did this to get under my skin, didn’t you?”
    “No.” She walked past him toward the kitchen to pour a glass of water. “I did it because I wanted to. I’m sorry if you were worried. It didn’t occur to me that you would be.”
    “It didn’t occur to you.” Incensed, he grabbed the glass out of her hand and tossed it into the sink. It shattered effectively. “Fuck that, Conroy. You knew damn well I’d be half crazy. I was about to call out a Goddamn APB.”
    “Interesting, isn’t it, the way those police terms slide right off your tongue? It’s a good thing you’re going back on, Skimmerhorn. You make a lousy civilian.” Her eyes were as dull as her voice. “Are congratulations in order, Captain, or just best wishes?” When he didn’t respond, she nodded. “Well, you can have both.”
    “It’s not official until next week.” He spoke carefully, studying her. He’d never seen her eyes that cold, or that detached. “How did you find out?”
    “Does it matter? It’s more to the point that I didn’t find out from you. Excuse me.” She brushed past him and into the living room.
    He closed his eyes a moment and cursed himself for a fool. “So you’re pissed. Okay. But that—”
    “No,” she interrupted. “It’s not okay. And I’m not pissed.” Because she was tired, unbearably so, she gave in and sat on the arm of a chair. “You could say I’ve been illuminated. You could even say that I’m devastated, but no, Jed, I’m not angry.”
    The quiet resignation in her voice reached him. “Dora, I didn’t do it to hurt you.”
    “I know that. That’s why I’m illuminated. You didn’t tell me because you didn’t think it was any of my concern. You didn’t want it to be any of my concern is probably more accurate. It was a major decision in your life. Your life,” she repeated with stinging emphasis. “Not mine. So why should you bother to tell me?”
    She was slipping away from him. He was standing two feet away from her and watching the distance grow by leaps and bounds. It terrified him. “You make it sound as though I was keeping it from you. I needed to work it out, that’s all. I didn’t think you’d understand.”
    “You didn’t give me the chance, Jed,” she said quietly. “Did you think I could have felt the way I did about you and not understand how important your work was to you?”
    Her use of the past tense had a quick skidder of panic sprinting up his spine. “It had nothing to do with you.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth he knew they were ill chosen. Her eyes remained dry, but hurt filled them. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
    “I think you did. I wish I didn’t blame you for it, but I do. I know you had it rough, but you’ve been making your own choices for a long time. You chose not to accept my feelings for you, and you chose not to let yourself feel anything back. And I do blame you for that, Jed.”
    Her voice didn’t waver, her eyes remained steady, butthe hands in her lap were clenched tight. “I blame you very much for that, and for hurting me. I told you I don’t handle pain very well, and I don’t pretend it’s not there when it is. Since you’re the first man who’s ever broken my heart, I think you should know it.”
    “For Christ’s sake, Dora.” He started toward her, but the way she jumped up and stepped back unmanned him.
    “I don’t want you to touch me now.” She spoke very quietly, clinging to the slippery edge of control. “I really don’t. It’s humiliating for me to finally understand that’s all we had.”
    “That’s not true.” He fisted his hands at his sides, but already knew he couldn’t beat his way through the wall he’d thrown up between them. “You’re blowing this out of proportion, Dora. It’s just a job.”
    “I wish it were. But we both know it’s not. It’s the most important part of your life. You gave it up to punish yourself, and you’re taking it back because you can’t be happy without it—and maybe not even whole without it. I’m glad for you, Jed. I truly