Honour Among Thieves

Dexter Hutchins had not been idle since his return. When Scott came down for dinner, still feeling a little stiff, he found Dollar Bill standing with his back to the fire in the drawing room, sipping a glass of water. 'What would you like to drink, Professor?' asked the butler. 'A very weak shandy,' Scott replied before introducing himself to Dollar Bill. 'Are you here, Professor, out of choice, or were you simplv arrested for drunk driving?' was Dollar Bill's first question. He had obviously decided to give Scott just as hard a time as the judo instructor. 'Choice, I fear,' replied Scott with a smile. 'From such a reply,' said Dollar Bill, 'I can only deduce you teach a dead subject or one that is no use to living mortals.' 'I teach Constitutional Law,' Scott replied, 'but I specialise in Logic' 'Then you manage to achieve both at once,' said Dollar Bill as Dexter Hutchins entered the room. 'I'd like a gin and tonic, Charles,' said Dexter as he shook Scott's hand warmly. 'I'm sorry I didn't catch up with you earlier, but those guys in Foggy Bottom haven't been off the phone all afternoon.' 'There are many reasons to be wary of your fellow creatures,' Dollar Bill observed, 'and by asking for a gin and tonic, Mr Hutchins has just demonstrated two of them.' Charles returned a moment later carrying a shandy and a gin and tonic on a silver tray, which he offered to Scott and the Deputy Director. 'In my university days, logic didn't exist,' said Dollar Bill after Dexter Hutchins had suggested they go through to dinner. 'Trinity College, Dublin would have no truck with the subject. I can't think of a single occa-sion in Irish history when any of my countrymen have ever relied on logic' 'So what did you study?' asked Scott. 'A lot of Fleming, a little of Joyce, with a few rare moments devoted to Plato and Aristotle, but I fear not enough to engage the attention of any member of the board of examiners.' "And how is the Declaration coming on?' asked Dexter, as if he hadn't been following the conversation. A stickler for the work ethic is our Mr Hutchins, Professor,' said Dollar Bill as a bowl of soup was placed in front of him. 'Mind you, he is a man who would rely on logic to see him through. However, as there is no such thing in life as a free meal, I will attempt to answer my jailer's question. Today, I completed the text as originally written by Timothy Matlock, Assistant to the Secretary of Congress. It took him seventeen hours you know. I fear it has taken me rather longer/ 'And how long do you think it will take you to finish the names?' pressed Dexter. 'You are worse than Pope Julius II, forever demanding of Michelangelo how long it would take him to finish the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel,' said Dollar Bill as the butler removed the soup bowls. 'The names,' demanded Dexter. 'The names.' 'Oh, impatient and unsubtle man.' 'Shaw,' said Scott. 'I grow to like you more by the minute,' said Dollar Bill. 'The names,' repeated Dexter as Charles placed an Irish stew on the table. Dollar Bill immediately helped himself. 'Now I see why you are the Deputy Director,' said Dollar Bill. 'Do you not realise, man, that there are fifty-six names on the original document, each one of them a work of art in itself? Let me demonstrate to you, if I may. Paper, please, Charles. I require paper.' The butler took a pad that lay next to the telephone and placed it by O'Reilly's side. Dollar Bill removed a pen from his inside pocket and began to scribble. He showed his two dinner companions what he had written: 'Mr O'Reilly may have the unrestricted use of the company helicopter whenever he wishes.' 'What does that prove?' asked Dexter. 'Patience, Mr Hutchins, patience,' said Dollar Bill, as he retrieved the piece of paper and signed it first with the signature of Dexter Hutchins, and then, changing his pen, wrote 'Scott Bradley'. Once again he allowed them to study his efforts. 'But how. . .?' said Scott. 'In your case, Professor, it was easy. All I needed was the visitors' book.' 'But I didn't sign the visitors' book,' said Dexter. 'I confess it would be a strange thing for you to do when you are the Deputy Director,' said Dollar Bill, 'but, in your case nothing would surprise me. However, Mr Hutchins, you do have the infuriating habit of signing and dating the inside cover of any book you have purchased recently. I suspect in the case of first editions it will be the nearest you get to posterity.' He paused. 'But enough of this idle banter.