Hotline to Murder

to meet two of my buds.”
    Josh named two names that didn’t register in Tony’s consciousness. He did shake hands with them, not bothering to apologize for having a wet and cold hand from the beer, because their hands were equally wet and cold.
    “There was a time when Tony would have been here partying with us,” Josh said. “But, alas, that doesn’t happen anymore. Because Tony has been saved. Speaking of being saved, how went the battle tonight? Did you convince any queers with AIDS that were about to blow their brains out not to, even though that’s probably a mistake? And was that underage babe working with you tonight? What’s her name—Sarah?”
    “Sally.”
    “Sally.” He turned to his friends. “Tony has a tough job. He answers telephones and listens to the problems of people more fucked up than we are, all night. So you think you should feel sorry for him, right? But what you don’t know is that while he’s doing it, he hangs out with these teenage babes who don’t wear any clothes.”
    “Cool,” friend one said. “I wish I could get a job like that.”
    “The only problem,” Josh said, standing up, “is that they have their bodies pierced in so many places that you can’t touch them without getting stabbed.”
    “That’s not true,” Tony said, realizing how dorky he sounded.
    Josh ignored him and said, “It’s not just their ears, although some of them have enough metal in their ears to build a tank.” He lifted his T-shirt and said, “Belly buttons.” He pointed to his own belly button, which stuck out, along with the rest of his belly. “Wouldn’t I look great with a navel ring?” He moved his belly in and out, using more muscles than Tony had seen him use in a while.
    The friends laughed. Tony wondered how he could put a stop to this.
    “Nipple rings.” He pushed his T-shirt higher and grabbed one of his nipples with the same hand. The other hand still held a can of beer. “How do you suck on that with a ring in your mouth. Ugh. But worst of all is the clit ring. Does Sally have a clit ring, Tony?”
    Tony had to restrain himself to keep from throwing his beer can at Josh. He said, “I want to talk to you in the other room. Now.”
    Josh was still playing to his friends. He shook his head and said, “When Noodles uses his school-teacher voice, I have to listen. It won’t be pretty.” He unpaused the movie and said, “I don’t want you guys to have to hear it.”
    Tony led the way through a short hallway into the family room and then turned left into the kitchen, placing the maximum amount of distance between them and the living room. He turned to face Josh, who had followed him. He was seething so much he couldn’t talk. Josh stood and sipped beer, an innocent look on his face.
    “First of all,” Tony said, finding his voice, “you’re not supposed to have guys over during the week.”
    “Oh, yes. Dumb me.” Josh struck himself on the forehead with the heel of his hand. “Dorm rules. But I figured since you weren’t here, it would be okay. I planned to kick them out before you got home. Sorry. I lost track of the time. What time is it, anyway?”
    “It’s ten-thirty. And I don’t care whether I’m home or not. You disturb the neighbors with all your noise.”
    “Okay, okay, I know when you’re provoked. I’ll tell them to leave now.”
    “Wait. I’ve got something more to say. I don’t like the way you talk about the girls on the Hotline. In fact, I don’t like the way you talk about all women. You know what you are? You’re a misogynist.”
    “A what-gynist? Is that anything like a gynecologist? Tony, my boy, you have flipped. You have absolutely flipped. Do you know what that job has done to you? It has made you into a wimp, a wuss. A goddamned wuss. You are not the same Tony I knew. And I don’t like the new model.”
    “Well then, maybe you should move out.”
    This stopped Josh in his tracks. He became quiet. Gone was the bluster. His face became as red as his hair. He stared at Tony. “Move out? You want me to move out?”
    “If you don’t like what you call the new me. If you don’t like the rules around here. If you can’t become a civilized member of society. Don’t you think, Josh, that after all these years, it’s time for us to grow up? If you can’t handle that, then yes, you should move out.”
    “I’ll be out of here in thirty days.” Josh turned on his heel and stomped out of the room.
    ***
    Tony couldn’t