How to Talk to a Widower

hate her and drop her off after a quick dinner. Best-case scenario, you get laid by someone who isn’t married, which I think we can all agree is a step in the right direction, don’t you think?”
    I sigh. “What do you know about her?”
    “She’s an aerobics instructor, she’s built like a centerfold, and she’s independently wealthy from her divorce settlement.”
    “So, nothing really.”
    “It’s just a date, Doug. A few hours that I think you can spare from your crammed schedule of napping, drinking, and staring into space. Plus, thanks to you, Stephen knows about the baby and I will never know a moment’s peace now, so you owe me one.”
    “That was inevitable, don’t you think?”
    “So is this.”
    I sigh and look over at Russ. “And you’re really okay with all of this?”
    He chews thoughtfully for a moment, and then brings his hand down decisively on the table. “You saved me from Jimbo, man. In my eyes, you can do no wrong.”
    “Seriously, though,” I say. “I want to know how you really feel about me starting to date.”
    Russ sits back down and looks at me, blushing slightly. “My mom was the real deal, you know? It’s going to take you a long time to find someone even remotely good enough to take her place, so the way I see it, you’d better get started.”
    “You’re sure?”
    He nods. “Yeah.”
    “Okay, then,” I say to Claire. “When?”
    “Friday night.”
    “Friday night it is.”
    Claire smiles and raises her glass in a toast. “To Sabrina Barclay. May she be of open mind, heart, and legs, and partial to sad, skinny men.”
    Russ raises his Coke can and smiles. “Sabrina Barclay,” he says.
    “Sabrina Barclay,” I say, raising my own glass to bang their drinks. And so we toast Sabrina Barclay while eating Laney Potter’s meatloaf and all the while I’m thinking about Brooke Hayes, and this heady stew of women either means that I’m not remotely ready to get back out there, or else I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

26

    “ … AND I SWORE TO GOD THAT I WAS THROUGH with blind dates, but your sister was so convincing, you know? You’re lucky to have her. I wish I had someone like that looking out for me. The truth is, when you’re divorced and living out here, you really have to be open-minded and willing to meet people. I mean, I tried the internet dating thing, but it’s just a big headache, you know? You spend hours at the computer just trying to screen out the freaks, and then, when you think you’ve finally found someone who seems to be worth an actual date, you find out that he used a picture from ten years ago, before he lost his hair and gained thirty pounds, or that he lives in his mother’s basement, or else he’s a married guy just looking for something on the side—you wouldn’t believe how many married guys try to date on the internet. Why don’t they just call a hooker? Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, just that you have to be open to meeting quality people when the opportunities come up, because there are just so many nut jobs out there—Oh, excuse me, yes, please. Can I get the salmon special, but broiled and without the sauce, and can I have steamed vegetables instead of the mashed potatoes, I’m off carbs right now. Thank you—Anyway, your sister told me that you haven’t really gone out much since your wife died—is it okay to mention your wife? I’m sorry, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t, I can’t stand when I go out with a guy and all he wants to talk about is his ex. It’s just boring already, right? I mean, everyone’s got their spin, everyone wants you to know that the divorce was totally not their fault, that they were the wronged party and blah, blah, blah. I had my own divorce, and I’ve seen enough to know that in most cases, no one is ever really innocent, and if you try to tell me you are, I’m just not going to trust you anyway, so save your breath. Maybe you’re not the one who cheated, but there’s plenty of ways to ruin a marriage without cheating, right? It just happens, and as long as you feel you’ve learned from your experiences, I don’t really care if you think it was your fault or not. I’m not interested in the past or the future, I only care about the here and now, who you are today and what you’re looking for now, you know? I didn’t cheat on Gary, although God knows I had my opportunities. When you work in a gym and you wear tight clothing, you get plenty of opportunities. And