Human Sister

told you he’s gotten in the habit of running away the instant something bothers him. Why don’t you tell me what happened at the club?”
    “We met Luuk and some of his friends. Then we danced and talked.”
    “Did Elio get drunk?”
    I hesitated.
    “That’s all right. I shouldn’t ask you to get your brother in trouble. So, that’s it? Except for a few little things you’re afraid would get him in trouble with me, that’s all that happened?”
    “Yes.”
    She appeared deep in thought. “Maybe it’s that everything comes too easily for him: grades, swimming, admirers. I can tell none of it means anything to him. His life has become like that club you went to last night: all noise and hollow distraction.”
    “But why did he write that he couldn’t be with me?”
    “What can I say? He’s young, confused, impetuous.”
    “Grandpa told me that Elio likes to make love with boys. If that’s what he’s afraid of—that I’ll find out—he shouldn’t be, because I don’t care. It’s fine with me.”
    Of course, that last statement wasn’t exactly true. I wanted Elio to do what made him happy, but I couldn’t help feeling that those boys, whoever they were, were stealing away the intimacy and affection that belonged to me, and I was confused by and ashamed of such feelings.
    Aunt Lynh smiled. “You’re a good sister to him. Just keep on being a good sister, and I’m sure everything will be all right.”
    I stayed up late that night, waiting, hoping. But Elio didn’t call or return.
    The next morning Aunt Lynh and I were having breakfast when the phone rang. She grabbed it. “Hello.” She was silent for about a minute. Finally, in a controlled voice she said, “Honey, don’t do this. It’s Sara’s fifteenth birthday tomorrow.” She listened a while longer. “Well, then, maybe she shouldn’t come back again next summer.”
    I detected shouting from the other end.
    When the shouting subsided, Aunt Lynh said, “I don’t like it, but if you want to do this, I suppose you can. Do you need anything?” She glanced at me. “Do you want to say good-bye to Sara?” She glanced at me again, shaking her head. “Okay, call us when you get there. Promise?”
    She put the phone down, stared at the cupboards for a few seconds, then threw her hands up into the air. “He’s taking a train to Brussels in a half-hour. With Luuk. Just like that. He says I drive him crazy, and he doesn’t want to be crazy in front of you. He says he needs us to give him space. Not that we have much choice. He’s gone—just like that.”
    My eyes filled with tears. How could Elio leave me? How could he do this?
    “Don’t take it personally,” Aunt Lynh said. “I try not to.”
    But I had the note: “I can’t be with you.” That sounded personal.
    The next day, feeling confused and disappointed on my fifteenth birthday, I boarded a plane home, a week and two days earlier than planned.

    Elio called me from Brussels within an hour of my arrival home. He wished me a happy birthday, then began telling me what Luuk and he had been doing. I interrupted him: “Why did you say you couldn’t be with me? Why did you go to Brussels?”
    “It’s Ma. She’s always bothering me. Screaming at me. Look, I’m really sorry about the way I acted. Please promise you’ll come back to see me again next summer. I’ll be better then, I promise.”
    Though I remained unsatisfied by his answer and confused about his behavior, I assured him that I would come to see him the next summer, and every summer. He was, after all, my summers, my dreams.
    I had thought that for Grandpa problems were challenges to be enthusiastically explored, broken down into manageable components, and, often in a flash of emotionally charged insight, solved. But when I described Elio’s hot-and-cold behavior, Grandpa didn’t ask any questions or offer any suggestions. When I pressed him for help, he said, “Sara, please, listen to me. I know you want to help. But whatever it is that’s troubling Elio, his intuition is that now is not a good time to force a resolution of the problem. You love him; you should trust his intuition. Besides, you have Michael and your studies. Your plate is full. Enjoy the feast and stop worrying about things you can’t do anything about.”
    Perhaps Grandpa was short with me because his mind was occupied with other problems. He informed me the next day that he’d been reviewing intelligence reports which estimated that