I Should Die

they hurt, my grandmother’s words only poured kerosene on a flame of doubt that had already been threatening to spark into a full-on bonfire. Though Violette had planned to kill Vincent and overthrow the revenants, everything had come to a head because of my actions.
    No one had mentioned it at La Maison. Vincent falling prey to Violette was completely her fault in the revenants’ minds. But I couldn’t help but wonder how things would have turned out if I hadn’t precipitated their showdown. I was going to have to live with that question. And the guilt.
    Seeing my face, Mamie rose from her chair and came over to place a comforting hand on my arm. “I’m sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to say it like that,” she conceded. “But we are all in this mess together now. The numa know who we are and where we live.” She paused and turned to Papy. “That’s why it seems to me that ordering our granddaughters to stay away from their revenant friends at this point in time would do more harm than good.”
    “But, Emilie! How can you say that?” Papy exclaimed, rising to his feet.
    “Because I have just returned from a long discussion with the head of France’s bardia, Monsieur Grimod de la Reynière.”
    Papy’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “So that’s where you’ve been!” He stared incredulously at me and Georgia, looking like he couldn’t take much more.
    Mamie continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “And the two of us, along with his companion, a very knowledgeable historian, discussed the most prudent way of moving forward.”
    My grandfather sank back into his seat with an expression like he had been slapped. “And that would be . . . ,” he prompted.
    “It so happens that Monsieur Grimod had already set up a system where Kate would be escorted wherever she went. However, yesterday she and Georgia managed to elude that system by leaving school during a time the revenants thought they were safe.” Mamie threw me a look of disapproval, but I was already feeling so depressed and guilty that it didn’t have any effect.
    “He too feels that if the numa had no knowledge of Kate or Georgia, the best course of action would be keeping them away from the revenants.”
    Now I was the one who felt slapped. “How can he say that after he was the one who asked me to come back and talk to Vincent when we were broken up?”
    “He admitted that to me, Kate,” Mamie responded. “He said that it was bad judgment on his part. That he was only thinking of Vincent because he had never seen him that distraught before. That one thinks of one’s own child in such circumstances, and that he was remiss to have not considered you and your safety.”
    Papy gave a kind of harrumphing noise, signaling his displeasure.
    “In any case, what is done is done, and we both agreed that at this point you are safer near the revenants than away from them. Actually, we all are. Monsieur Grimod says that at this moment Violette is intent upon war and they should consider any of their allies or contacts at risk, even though it is doubtful that she will maintain an interest in you girls now that she has Vincent.”
    So. Jean-Baptiste hadn’t told Mamie that Violette could use me as bait to make Vincent obey her every whim. That was the real worry as far as I was concerned—the only reason she would be concerned with me in the least.
    “Jean-Baptiste promised me that Kate and Georgia will have revenants watching them twenty-four/seven.” She turned to us. “Don’t worry, girls, you won’t even know that they’re there.”
    “He’s assigning them both full-time bodyguards?” Papy asked, confused.
    “Believe me, Antoine, Monsieur Grimod has a lot of revenants at his service. This will barely put a dent in his numbers. What do you feel about it?”
    Papy glanced between the three of us, and then, crossing his arms over his chest, he exhaled a long, sad sigh. “ Ma princesse ,” he said, facing me. “I know that Vincent and his kind are here to help humanity. That he’s one of the good guys. If it weren’t for the fact that being close to him and his kindred put you in danger, I would count it an honor to be associated with them. But your safety means the world to me, and that changes everything in my mind.”
    My grandfather paused, thinking. “If we asked you to relinquish Vincent and his kind, would you do it?” he asked me.
    I couldn’t look him in the eyes. Massaging my forehead with my fingertips for a few