Idiopathy

have the means of procurement,’ said Archie.
    ‘Hold on,’ said the third member of the group, wedging his pole down the front of his trousers so as to leave his hands free to gesticulate. ‘This bloke’s offering free coffee.’
    ‘But we don’t need his free coffee,’ said Archie.
    ‘But where are we going to purchase coffee,’ said William. ‘Cos, like, the nearest option is a Costa, and they’re kind of multinational.’
    Archie acknowledged this point with a cock of the head. ‘But he’s more multinational,’ he said, pointing at Daniel.
    ‘I’m not multinational,’ said Daniel.
    ‘He’s not
profiting
from the coffee,’ said the third member, adjusting his banner-pole as if to prevent chafing.
    ‘But we’re unclear as to
source
, Henry,’ said Archie.
    ‘He just told us the bloody source,’ said William.
    ‘That’s unconfirmed,’ said Archie.
    ‘Look,’ said Henry. ‘I’m fucking freezing and I don’t want to pay three bloody quid in Costa when I can just as easily have a free coffee right now.’
    ‘Plus,’ said William, tucking his banner-pole under his arm, ‘I find when I’m in Costa it’s not just a coffee, is it?’
    ‘It’s never just a coffee,’ said Henry bitterly. ‘You always think it’s just a coffee but then actually it’s a coffee, an avocado wrap, a detox drink and a date bar.’
    ‘Yeah,’ said William. ‘And before you know it you’re ten quid deep.’
    ‘Those motherfuckers,’ said Daniel. ‘This coffee’s getting cold, by the way.’
    ‘Fuck it,’ said Henry, ‘I’m having a coffee.’
    ‘Me too,’ said William.
    ‘I think we’ve established that to do so is ethical,’ said Archie.
    They stood sipping their coffees, the banner momentarily abandoned on the floor.
    ‘So,’ said Daniel. ‘Missing Sebastian much?’
    They looked at him oddly.
    ‘We’re not in love with him,’ said Archie.
    ‘Yeah,’ said Henry. ‘We can spend time apart.’
    ‘I meant more in terms of the organisation,’ said Daniel.
    ‘We have no fixed centre of power,’ said Archie, ‘so we’re able to adapt to the needs of any given situation.’
    ‘Re-forming like Voltron,’ said William, nodding seriously.
    ‘Impressive,’ said Daniel. ‘How’s the coffee?’
    ‘That’s good coffee,’ said William.
    ‘Good body,’ said Archie. ‘Do you grind fresh?’
    ‘I buy it freshly ground,’ said Daniel.
    ‘Does make a difference,’ said Henry.
    ‘I must get a grinder,’ said William. ‘I mean, don’t get me wrong, I make good coffee, but I think grinding’s the next step.’
    Archie nodded. ‘It’s another bloody appliance though, isn’t it?’
    ‘Don’t get me started,’ said Henry. ‘You should see our fucking worktop. Half the time I can’t even carve out the space for a sandwich. I keep saying to Trix: Trix, can we get rid of some of these bloody machines? But she’s like, nah.’
    There was a reflective silence during which Daniel became increasingly edgy as he weighed the various options for introducing the subject of drugs into the conversation.
    ‘So,’ he said finally. ‘Has Sebastian got you working the weekend, too?’
    ‘Nah,’ said William. ‘No point. No one here.’
    ‘If a tree falls in the forest and all that,’ said Archie.
    ‘Got much planned?’ said Daniel.
    ‘Probably just keep it chilled,’ said Henry. ‘What about you?’
    ‘Your other half’s away, isn’t she?’ said Archie with a smirk that Daniel chose to ignore.
    ‘Yeah,’ said Daniel. ‘I was thinking it would be a good opportunity to get the boys round, you know?’
    ‘Oh yeah,’ said Archie. ‘Good call.’
    ‘Actually,’ said Daniel, ‘there was something I was going to ask you chaps about.’
    ‘Oh yeah?’ said Archie, narrowing his eyes.
    ‘Yeah,’ said Daniel, looking from side to side in the universally acknowledged manner of a man about to negotiate a drugs deal. ‘It’s just, well, my man’s fallen through, you know what I’m saying?’
    ‘Not really,’ said William.
    ‘Your man?’ said Henry. ‘What man?’
    ‘You know,’ said Daniel. ‘As in,
waiting for the man
?’
    Blank looks.
    ‘My dealer,’ said Daniel.
    ‘Oh,’ said Archie with a smirk. ‘And you think for some reason, based I’m sure on a whole number of conclusions you’ve drawn based on your prejudices about our appearance and political persuasions, that we might be able to help.’
    ‘Well, basically,’ said Daniel.