Idiopathy

and their repressed ways. Was any of that really true any more? It seemed to him that there was very little he and Katherine hadn’t said to each other at some point, which was why their silences tended to be comfortable. There came a point where it was a relief not to be saying anything.
    But then the relief passed, and there was only, once again, the pressure to speak.
    ‘We can just be normal, though, right?’ said Daniel.
    ‘Why wouldn’t we be?’
    ‘I’m telling myself, really,’ said Daniel. ‘I don’t know why I said it out loud. I’m … It’s weird. Everything’s weird.’
    ‘Is this weird?’
    ‘Slightly.’
    ‘But you did always assume that at some point we’d catch up with each other? Right?’
    Daniel shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I mean … Maybe not. You know? Bridges, water, all of that.’
    ‘You weren’t curious? You never thought, hey, I wonder how Katherine’s doing?’
    ‘I would have emailed.’
    ‘You would have
emailed
?’
    ‘What’s wrong with that? Jesus.’
    ‘Nothing,’ she said. ‘Nothing at all.’
    ‘Don’t say nothing when it’s really something. You know I hate that. If it’s something just say what it is.’
    ‘It’s nothing.’
    ‘Right, OK, it’s nothing.’
    Daniel was freezing, and doing a poor job of concealing how freezing he was. He sensed Katherine was enjoying watching him shiver. The whole thing was futile, he thought, utterly futile. It had always been futile and it was going to go on being futile until eventually they both gave up pretending it was anything but. This wasn’t a revelation he enjoyed. For some reason he was at a loss to fathom, he wanted this, all of this, to have some sort of point.
    ‘Whatever,’ said Katherine. ‘We’ll just be.’
    ‘Fine,’ said Daniel.
    Katherine surveyed the platter.
    ‘I think I’m done here,’ she said.
    ‘Yeah,’ said Daniel, looking at his watch. ‘I should probably …’
    ‘I need the loo before I go,’ said Katherine, standing up. ‘I’ll say cheerio.’ She took out her purse.
    ‘No, no,’ said Daniel. ‘I’ll get it. Honestly.’
    ‘Let me at least pay half.’
    ‘No, seriously. I’ve got it.’
    ‘Well thank you.’
    ‘Pleasure.’
    ‘Anyway,’ she said. ‘This has been nice.’
    Daniel nodded. ‘It has. Good to see you, Katherine.’
    ‘Good to see you, Daniel.’
    She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. He held her shoulder briefly, awkwardly. He never knew if he should go for the other cheek as well. It turned out to be a one-cheek kiss.
    ‘See you Saturday,’ said Katherine.
    Daniel nodded. ‘Take care,’ he said.
    She went into the café and he sat back down, picking distractedly at the almost entirely untouched platter, the world all at once unknowable, unfamiliar; the sense of the nostalgia to which he’d earlier refused to succumb suddenly all too attractive. They could have talked about the old times, he thought. They could have made each other laugh. Even shouting at each other would have been more reassuring.
    He took out his mobile and called his father.
    ‘Dad,’ he said. ‘How are you?’
    ‘Uh …’ said his father. ‘I don’t know.’
    Daniel chose to ignore this and move on. ‘I just called to say, guess who I just saw?’
    Daniel’s father thought for some time. ‘Don’t know,’ he said.
    ‘Katherine,’ said Daniel. ‘Remember Katherine? She sends her love.’
    ‘Who’s Katherine?’ said Daniel’s father.
    ‘Katherine,’ said Daniel. ‘You remember Katherine, don’t you? She was my girlfriend but we broke up. You always thought she was fun. She had …’
    He stopped, wondering now if this was needlessly cruel. Whose benefit was he really calling for, anyway?
    ‘Anyway,’ he said. ‘She says Hi. I just thought I’d pass that on.’
    ‘Hi,’ said Daniel’s father.
    ‘Hi,’ said Daniel, and hung up.
    Here we all are, he thought, forgetting each other.
    He saw Katherine leaving the café. He needed a piss before he left but hadn’t wanted to run into her again inside.
    He left some cash on the table and walked through the café to the toilet. There was only one. He stepped inside and stood for a moment, unnerved at how redolent it was of Katherine’s shit. This, he thought, was the smell of a life together; the smell of bodies and time. He locked the door. The more he breathed the less he was able to smell it. He pulled down his trousers and sat on the seat, finding it still warm. There, in a public