Idiopathy

smile quite deliberately from a range of other possible expressions.
    ‘Well,’ she said. ‘You don’t look so bad.’
    Nathan nodded. ‘I’m not that bad,’ he said.
    ‘Liar,’ she said, stepping forward to hug him. ‘It’s good to see you,’ she said into his ear.
    ‘It’s good to see you too,’ said Nathan into hers.
    ‘Fuck me,’ she said, drawing back. ‘What happened to your neck?’
    Nathan’s hand shot to the side of his neck to cover the mixture of scar tissue and disfigured crows. Katherine reached forward and grabbed the hand, running her thumb over the ridges of healing skin. She looked back up at him.
    ‘You fucking idiot,’ she said.
    ‘Bloody hell, Katherine,’ said Daniel. ‘Go easy.’
    ‘It’s alright,’ said Nathan. ‘Heard it all before.’ He smiled down at Katherine. ‘We all have our little moments of madness, I suppose.’
    ‘Be as mad as you like,’ said Katherine, ‘but no more playing with sharp objects.’
    ‘Understood,’ said Nathan.
    ‘Right,’ said Katherine. ‘Well, some things clearly haven’t changed because I’ve been here over five minutes and this cretin hasn’t even offered me a drink.’
    ‘What are you having?’ Daniel said, the warmth in his voice surprising him.
    ‘Anything,’ she said, strutting through to the dining room, her heels rattling against the wooden floors and no doubt, Daniel thought, leaving some pretty nasty dents in the boards. ‘Beer. Whatever you’re having. Can I smoke?’
    ‘If you must. But could you maybe take your shoes off?’
    She pivoted neatly on one stiletto, as if adding emphasis to the damage, then kicked her shoes one by one into the corner, winking at Nathan as she did so.
    ‘I’m on my best behaviour,’ she said with a smile. ‘Isn’t it fun?’

    N athan’s first thought on seeing Katherine was that she looked both wonderful and unwell. Her strut and timing and general flair were all present, but seemingly at some cost. Her smile tugged harshly at the edge of her face. She was pale and thin. Her skin had broken out. It was all, he thought, a little precarious, a little chancy. When he hugged her, she felt delicate, which was not a word one usually associated with Katherine. She was living up to herself, Nathan sensed, to her own aura, and for the first time he experienced a flash of recognition at what a strain that must be.
    But he was pleased to see her, and not just because Daniel was proving to be such an awkward host. When she hugged him, when she winked, he felt a familiar sadness, a little stab of regret. She was very much alive, he thought, and where interaction with other people usually caused Nathan to struggle with certain facts of his own existence, as if the very reality of his aliveness was something to which he needed to reconcile himself, Katherine’s presence only ever made him wish that he was as alive as she was. He didn’t even feel that queasy when she examined his neck, although there was always the question of how much she knew, and how responsible she might feel, which he wanted to address later, when Daniel with any luck would have blacked out.
    ‘So look at you,’ Katherine was saying to Daniel. ‘You’re like a grown-up.’
    Daniel was back at the fridge.
    ‘Nathan,’ he called. ‘Have another.’
    ‘Now, now, boys,’ said Katherine, drawing out a chair and folding herself onto it, flashing a clear expanse of thigh before tugging at the hem of her dress. ‘I hope you don’t have any plans to get me drunk and take advantage of me.’
    Daniel stepped back into the dining room in order to narrow his eyes at her.
    ‘Let’s keep it clean, shall we? Nathan. A drink.’
    ‘OK,’ said Nathan, sitting down opposite Katherine and mustering a smile.
    Katherine rolled her eyes at Nathan, smirked, and lit a cigarette.
    ‘Daniel,’ she called. ‘Ashtray.’
    Nathan took out his tobacco and rolled a cigarette while Katherine gawped fairly openly at his fingers. Daniel returned to the table with three beers.
    ‘A toast,’ said Daniel, handing out the bottles. ‘To Nathan.’
    ‘Oh,’ said Nathan, feeling acutely self-conscious. ‘Don’t, I mean …’
    ‘Good to see you, dude,’ said Daniel, raising his bottle.
    ‘And here’s to Daniel not saying dude again,’ said Katherine. She tilted her bottle towards Nathan. ‘Here’s to you,’ she said.
    ‘To all of us,’ said Nathan, fumbling the words a little.
    ‘Anyway,’ said Nathan, stepping