If I Tell

to the same side and then back again until Lacey grabbed my arm.
    “Hey, long time, no talk.” She beamed at me like a long-lost friend, which I guess she was. “I just came by for a coffee. I was about to go in to say hey to Amber.” She paused. “You want to sit down and have something to drink?”
    “I can’t.” I didn’t say anything about meeting my mom for shopping. Before the Simon episode, I’d have invited Lacey along, but now I had no desire to see Mom and Lacey chatting and laughing together about anything.
    Lacey blinked. “I guess you’re still mad at me.”
    “No.” A total lie.
    “We haven’t hung out in ages.” She pushed out her bottom lip.
    “I see you at work.”
    “I know. But we haven’t hung out.” She paused for a moment, tugging at the bottom of her shirt. “I miss you.”
    I lifted a shoulder and avoided her eyes. What did she expect from me?
    “I’m not stupid, Jaz. I know what I did was wrong.”
    I shifted from one foot to the other. It was the perfect chance to ask the question I was afraid of asking. How far she and Simon had gone? I was afraid she didn’t remember. Afraid that she did.
    “Are you avoiding me because of Nathan?” she asked.
    I shook my head and wanted to shake her. “Nathan doesn’t even talk to me anymore.”
    “Well, you blew him off. You should have let him cut the cord. Guys need to do that. It saves face, especially after hooking up.”
    “I guess I don’t have your experience. And we didn’t hook up. Not really.”
    “That right? That’s not what Nathan said.” Lacey shifted from one hip to the other. Bada boom, bada bing.
    “I didn’t sleep with him, and you know it.”
    “Do I?” She twirled hair around her finger. Around and around. “You fooling around with Jackson now?”
    Blood rushed to my cheeks. “We’re friends.”
    Lacey flipped her blond hair with her hand. “Well, try not to fool around with Jackson. It’ll ruin another friendship.” She glared at me. “It seems like you’re running out. Next you’ll lose the lesbian, and I imagine she’s hard to get rid of.”
    Lacey spun on her heels and stomped away from me in a huff. Her words hung in the air, but I couldn’t let them just dangle there. I took off after her, following her out to the parking lot. I caught up to her and grabbed her by the shoulder.
    “You’ve never even bothered to get to know Ashley,” I told her. “And thanks for believing Nathan over me. I don’t care what he said. It’s not true. I’m nothing like you.”
    She glared at me. “Meaning what?”
    “I’m not a slut.”
    She blinked quickly, and we stared at each other in shock. I didn’t know which one of us was more surprised by what I’d said to her.
    A car honked behind me, demanding us to move out of the way. Lacey lifted her middle finger and the driver drove around us, screeching and squealing away.
    Her eyes shone. “You know, you’re the one person who never made me feel like that was true,” she said. “You are the only person who didn’t think of me like that.”
    “Like what?” I demanded, wanting her to say it. Admit what she was.
    “A slut,” she whispered.
    “Well, I guess things change.”
    Lacey opened her mouth to speak but I kept going.
    “Nathan is the first person I’ve even made out with. And yes, I was drunk, but it was horrible. I would never keep doing that. I hated myself for it. And I didn’t have sex with him. I stopped before we went too far. I shouldn’t even have to tell you that.” I growled in frustration. I sounded like her. Defensive. But this wasn’t about me. “But even if I did, even if we had, Nathan doesn’t have a girlfriend, so what would it matter?”
    We eyed each other warily, like two gunfighters with our hands on our holsters.
    “Why Simon, Lacey? Do you need to go after all the taken ones too? Couldn’t you leave one guy on the planet alone?”
    Lacey’s head dropped to her chest after I pulled the first trigger.
    “I don’t even remember much,” she said softly. “I don’t remember how it happened. I just remember looking up and seeing you.” She lifted her head with pleading eyes staring at me. “Your face. The way you were looking at me.”
    I hardened my heart against the tears that plopped down her cheeks. “This time I can’t just forgive you,” I told her.
    “You can’t forgive me?” Lacey said. “I don’t forgive myself, Jaz. I feel awful. I wish I could take it back, but I