If I Tell

Grandma’s expression looked as sour as it did when she drank her daily green-vegetable supplement. She’d tried to make me take that stuff, but it tasted truly horrible. I made such a big deal about gagging that she gave up on trying to force me.
    “She’s put on a ton of weight, and she can’t walk without waddling. Plus, it’s been raining around here for weeks. Who wouldn’t be grouchy?”
    Grandma stood and went to my dresser. “I think it’s more than that. She’s upset all the time. Pregnancy isn’t supposed to be so, I don’t know, hard. She wasn’t like this with you. Maybe it’s because she’s older? I hope she and Simon aren’t having problems.”
    She picked up my framed picture of Grandpa from my dresser, smiled at it, and put it down. “Anyhow. Would you do me a favor and talk to her? You know your mom. She won’t listen to me. You’re better with her about stuff like this.”
    “I am?”
    Grandma nodded. “Yes. She listens to you. You know she isn’t always very secure about herself. She’s had to make some tough decisions in her life, hold her head high while people criticized her.”
    Including her own mother, I wanted to add. Grandma was hard on her sometimes. She didn’t let Mom forget she was the one who raised me.
    “Try to get her out of her bad mood,” Grandma told me, as if I had a magic wand I could wave that would cheer up my mom instantly. “Maybe take her some of those fresh homemade chocolate cookies from Grinds. She loves those. She needs to cheer up for the baby.”
    Grandma reached into her sweater pocket and pulled out a twenty-dollar bill.
    “Buy us some treats too, if you want.” She handed me the money.
    I shoved it in my jean pocket, wishing twenty dollars would buy Mom a new boyfriend. Now, that’d be a real treat.
    ***
    After my shift, I hurried into Amber’s office at the back of the coffee shop.
    “Hi, Amber.”
    She glanced up from the schedule on the computer screen in front of her. “Hmm?”
    “Um. Would it be okay if I took Wednesdays off for a while?”
    Amber chewed the pen lid in her mouth, staring at the spreadsheet in front of her. “It’s not a busy night. Shouldn’t be a problem. What’s up?” She looked up at me for a second and then glanced back to her screen.
    “My grandma wants me to volunteer at the church.”
    Amber tore her eyes away from the computer screen. “Church?” She grinned.
    “As a musician-slash-helper for the seniors. Sort of like karaoke night. I’ll play guitar.”
    Amber laughed. “Really? That’s awesome.”
    I shrugged. “Grandma always gets me into stuff like that.” I thought about what Mom had said. “I think she wants to save the world.”
    “From what?”
    “I don’t know. Good music?” I smiled. “She thinks everyone should join in her efforts.”
    “Well, good for her. And good for you for pitching in. I’ll pull you off Wednesdays.” She typed something on her keyboard. “Oh. Lacey’s booked a few off too. Oh, well. No problem. Jackson and I can handle it. It’s not busy.”
    “Thanks.” I turned to go.
    “Hey, Jaz.”
    I glanced over my shoulder. “Yup?”
    “Is everything okay with you and Lacey?” Amber scratched at her short red hair.
    I lifted my shoulder and turned back to face her.
    “Does it have anything to do with whatever happened between you and Nathan?”
    “No. I mean, there is no me and Nathan.” I hadn’t seen him much lately, and when I did, he ignored me.
    Amber tilted her head, watching me, and then grinned mischievously. “What about Jackson? You two have a good time working together.”
    My face warmed. “We’re just friends.”
    Amber lifted her pen to her mouth again and chewed the end. “You sure you don’t have a little thing for him?”
    “Me? No. No way.” I was horrified. Did it show?
    Amber laughed. “Don’t look so mortified. He’s a good guy. Cute.”
    I didn’t dignify her with an answer. I wondered if she knew he might be dealing again. I didn’t have any real proof, just the odd phone calls he got and how he turned his back on me when he took them.
    “Okay. Never mind. What do I know? I’m just your boss, right?”
    “Exactly.” I made a mental note to tone it down around Jackson at work. I didn’t want to give anyone the wrong impression. I had no desire to make people think we were anything but friends.
    I left her office and went around the corner, almost smacking right into Lacey. We did an awkward dance, moving