If I Tell

out her hand. “Come on. You’re done showering.”
    “It’s so freezing,” I complained and wrapped my arms around my waist.
    “You’ll get used to it once you’re in the water, trust me.”
    “Trust you,” I grumbled and reached for the faucet and turned the shower off.
    I followed her out of the women’s locker room and stepped onto the pool deck. The blue water in the pool mocked me as the scent of chlorine filled my nose. The smell brought back memories. I straightened my back and pulled the back of my bathing suit down, making sure it covered my butt.
    Ashley said hi to the lifeguard and walked over to the shallow end of the pool. I didn’t follow her. I glanced over at the small viewing area. Jackson stood up and waved. He held Joe up, but Joe was curled up, fast asleep.
    So much for my little brother witnessing my first step back in the pool.
    “Come on,” Ashley called. “We’ve only got a half hour until my practice.”
    I took a tiny step forward toward the pool.

acknowledgments
    Many people gave me eyes and thoughts on this book, which evolved and changed over time, but my first thanks has to be to Leah Hultenschmidt, my lovely editor at Sourcebooks, for choosing to bring Jaz to life and then giving me guidance to help Jaz and her friends become more alive.
    I also need to thank my wonderful agent, Jill Corcoran, and lovely folks at Sourcebooks like Aubrey Poole, Kelly Barrales-Saylor, Kay Mitchell, Kristin Zelazko, and the sales and marketing people. (And all the others behind the scenes who I haven’t had a chance to meet or thank personally yet.) Teen Fire rocks!
    To Bethany Hegedus, the best friend I’ve never met, for taking time to go through the story line by line and helping me see things I missed. And also for our great chats and pep talks over the years. I truly treasure you!
    Thanks also to readers who gave me great feedback including Robin Graf Prehn, Ronni Selzer, Pamela Yaye, and Barbara Etlin.
    And though this book is about Jaz, close to my heart is her mother’s experience with postpartum depression. I want to thank Dr. Diana Turner in Calgary for helping me believe I was going to be all right when I didn’t know if I would be.

about the author
    Janet Gurtler lives in Calgary, Canada, deliciously close to the Canadian Rockies, with her husband, son, and the memories of a sweet little dog named Meeko. Janet does not live in an igloo or play hockey, but she does love maple syrup and says “eh” a lot.