I'll Be Here

regular party?”  He asked with an exaggeratedly proper British accent. 
    “It is total bullocks,” I responded. 
                We laughed.  The only time I didn’t laugh was when he told me that our weekend plans had been thwarted by the professor for his Technical Drafting course.  He assigned a massive project due early next week and there was no way Alex would be able to make the trip home to see me. 
    I was disappointed but obviously I understood.  These are exactly the types of things that you have to cope with in grown-up relationships.  At least, that’s the advice that Laney had given me and I know that she’s right.  Plus, dad called about coming on this trip with Diana and even though the amount of lace that I’ve encountered has made me physically nauseous, I have to admit that it’s been distracting. 
                “So you like it?” 
                My faraway eyes refocus on the space in front of me.  Diana is on the raised carpeted platform half-twirling in the empire waist gown and a delicate lacey veil that falls to just below her bent elbows.  She is looking intently at my smiling face and her eyes are open wide.  She’s taken the clip out and her hair is loose, falling in soft waves that curl up at the ends near her collarbone. 
    Maybe it’s the lighting or maybe it’s the dress—I’m not sure, but for the first time since I’ve known her, Diana looks… I search for the word.  It’s there, just in front of me and I don’t realize how simple it is until the word comes to me.  Diana looks happy. 
                “It’s perfect,” I say and this time I mean it. 
                Her shiny eyes get even shinier when she smiles back.  She turns and picks up the skirts of the dress between her thumbs and forefingers and sways her body from side to side, watching in the mirror as the light plays on the almost iridescent fabric. 
    “It is isn’t it?  It’s just perfect.”
    ***
    “So this weekend…”
                Silence.
                “Um… Is this weekend not good? I thought—”  I can tell by Alex’s voice that he’s worried.  It’s cute.  Very cute.
    I laugh.  “No.  I just like for you to squirm.” 
    I roll over, my arm disengaging from beneath Ferdinand’s big belly.  He doesn’t wake and only burrows deeper into my bed covers.  “I thought we could do something fun like play pinochle or learn about the history of macramé plant holders.”
    He adds, “Or we could make wind chimes out of seashells.”
    “Or whatnot.”
    “I like the sound of whatnot,” he says and I can hear papers shifting in the background. 
    I realize that he didn’t mean it to sound sexual, but considering where my head’s been over the past week, everything sounds sexual.  It took me over a year to feel ready to have sex with Dustin, and I’m not saying I’m ready with Alex, but it’s… it’s different.  Sure, Dustin’s touch stirred heat and longing in me, but just thinking about being with Alex like that is like tossing a match on a heap of papers.  Papers doused in gasoline. 
    God. 
    I am in trouble. 
    I try to ignore the sudden increase in my heartbeat.  Alex clears his throat before he continues.  “Honestly, I don’t think Friday can get here fast enough.  This is going to be a hellish three days.”
    “Because you miss me?”  I ask and my voice hits a note somewhere between joking and honesty.
    “Well there’s that… and the fact that I put off all my other work so I could complete that project last weekend and now I’ve got a backlog the size of Everest.”
    I wince.  “And here you are spending oh…”  I look over at the digital clock on my desk.  “Over an hour on the phone with me.  Why didn’t you just say that you had stuff to do?  You don’t have to spend so much time on the phone with me.  You’re in college and you have big boy stuff to do and it’s not like just because we’re—”
    We’re what? What exactly was I about to say? 
    My brain is going madly trying to figure out how to cover my tracks.  For the first time all night I’m thankful for the phone and the miles between us so that Alex can’t see the scarlet blush overtaking my face. 
    He doesn’t even catch my embarrassment. “Willow, I’m not on the phone with you because I have to be on the phone with you.  I want to be on the phone with you.  In fact, I’ve