In the After

exhaled. “Who wants a cookie?”
    Baby raised her hand, excited. In two short days she’d learned to recognize her name, my name, and the all-important word cookie . As I watched her eat, I tried to push the visions of the Floraes from my mind. I’d thought, for a brief time, that I was free from Them. I knew then that even in New Hope, They would plague me.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
    Baby appears at the foot of my bed. At first I think it’s a dream. They’ve increased my medication, and things are getting fuzzy again. The line between my daydreams and reality is blurred. It’s hard to keep everything straight. But then I see Dr. Reynolds has followed Baby. He pulls up a chair and watches as she jumps in bed to snuggle next to me .
    She grabs my hand . Amy, I’ve missed you! Her face is bright and shining .
    I’ve missed you too. I begin to cry .
    “Amy, what’s wrong?” Dr. Reynolds asks .
    I shake my head. “I don’t know.” Dr. Reynolds now has a strange look on his face, almost a smirk .
    I close my eyes . Are you happy crying? Baby asks. She must be signing into my hand but I swear I hear a child’s voice echoing her words. “Are you happy?”
    I open my eyes and study her, hoping that I’m not just hallucinating. That she is real. Baby grins at me, and I glance at Dr. Reynolds. “That must be it,” I tell them slowly. “I’m crying because I’m so glad.” I don’t really know how I feel, other than disoriented .
    I focus on Baby and sign , What about you? Are you happy?
    She looks at me . Things are fan. I go to school and Rice comes to visit me all the time. We talk about you.
    Rice? I suddenly get a flash of a boy’s face—cute, blue eyes, shaggy hair, glasses. He’d made me a promise to help me . You talk about me? About helping me? I sign, puzzled .
    Baby shakes her head, then looks to Dr. Reynolds. “But he said he would help me,” I say, confused .
    “Who said they would help you?” Dr. Reynolds asks sharply .
    “I . . .” I don’t know what to tell him. I don’t even know if my memories are real. If only I weren’t so dull. I do know that Dr. Reynolds scares me. Real or imagined, I know I can’t tell him what Rice said. I look at him and mumble, “I think it’s my father. He sometimes talks to me in my dreams.”
    “Your father is dead,” Dr. Reynolds tells me matter-of-factly. His tone cuts through me and I begin to cry again .
    “Do you think I don’t know that?” I sob .
    Dr. Reynolds looks at me with disdain as he turns to Baby .
    “Perhaps we should leave Amy to recuperate.” He stands and approaches us .
    “No!” I shout, taking rough hold of her arm. Dr. Reynolds glowers at me. “Can she just stay a little longer?” I beg .
    “I think it’s best that we leave now,” Dr. Reynolds tells me calmly. “Let go of her.”
    I look at Baby. She is frightened and I regret grabbing her like that. Reluctantly I release her arm .
    Sorry, Baby. I love you. I start to sob again and can barely see her through my tears. Before she leaves, I swear I hear a child’s voice this time saying, “I love you too.” But I know it’s just my imagination .
    • • •
    In that first week we were in New Hope, I barely left the apartment. I’d put off going to school for as long as I could but my mother decided we had to start. I thought we would have longer to adjust. I didn’t know if Baby was ready.
    “All children in Class Two through Five attend school. It’s important that you follow procedure,” my mother told me. There was no arguing.
    After she left for work, I stood in front of the mirror, noticing again how unflattering my jumpsuit was. I touched my hair, fiddling with the short Mohawk for a few minutes before giving up. Resigned, I made sure Baby was dressed and combed her hair. I made her put her shoes on, even though she’d rather just lug them around all day.
    Rice had let himself in and was sitting patiently on the couch, waiting for us to emerge so he could walk us to school. “We’re ready,” I proclaimed, stepping into the room.
    I must have looked uneasy because Rice walked over to me and gave me a half hug. “You’ll do fine.”
    I took a deep breath and nodded as we headed out the door and down the stairs. I was still worried, but I appreciated his effort to comfort us. Soon we were outside the school building.
    Rice smiled reassuringly. “Go find an adult; they’ll know where you both should be. I’ll meet you right back here after