Jane Actually

pronounced it fun. Stephen, however, was too intent on listening to his fellow roommates.
    “How is this supposed to work, exactly?” a voice he thought might be Alan’s asked. “Don’t we just use the hotspots in the room?”
    “No, the idea is we use Ms Henshaw’s terminal to talk to the ladies and we follow Stephen and when he gets separated from Ms Henshaw we stop talking,” someone said.
    “Why, what’s the range on her terminal?”
    “No, that’s the idea, so it’s more like a real dance.”
    “Well whose stupid idea was that?”
    “That was decided at the meeting for the first-time AGM attendees. It’s not my fault you didn’t go to the orientation.”
    “Then we better set up private chats with the ladies.”
    “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
    Stephen gave up trying to follow. The most important thing he’d learned was that all he had to do was dance with Ms Henshaw—Susan. So he turned his attention to understanding the directions the dance caller was issuing, but that proved impossible. His partner had decided that
she
should instruct Stephen, but her incomprehensible volley of dance terms left him hopelessly confused.
    “No, no, the odd numbered couples are ‘active’ couples and progress down the line. The even numbered couples are ‘inactive’ and progress up the line,” she said to him as if he were a simpleton.
    The dance, which Stephen learned was called “Hole in the Wall,” finally started. Susan assured him it was a simple dance, but her instructions soon had him confused. When he heard her say—“Join hands and go clockwise … now turn to your left … your other left”—he collided with her rather violently.
    Albert returned immediately after this and began to give Stephen advice. He told Stephen when to turn and in which direction.
    “You’ve done this before,” he said to Albert, but his partner interpreted the comment as directed to her.
    “More than once. It’s a popular dance for beginners,” she said.
    He and Ms Henshaw progressed through the line until they found themselves at the other end, which event coincided with the end of the dance. He had just made the last set without any mishap and was disappointed.
    “But I was … I was just getting the hang of it,” Stephen said. “Can we dance again?” he asked her.
    Still feeling sore from their collision, she answered, “I … uh, I did promise the next dance to someone else. And the next dance … oh, hello.” Her guilty look turned into a surprised look and Stephen turned to follow her gaze.
    “Mr Abrams, I believe you had promised the next dance to me,” Mary said.
    Stephen was stuck for a moment what to say until Albert said, “Introduce her to Ms Henshaw.”
    “Oh, right. Um, Ms Henshaw, may I introduce you to Mary … I mean, Miss Austen, may I introduce you to Ms Henshaw. She probably knows who you are,” he said ungallantly.
    “Christ, that’s Jane Austen,” one of his roommate’s exclaimed.
    “Stephen’s going to dance with Jane,” someone else said.
    “QUIET EVERYONE!” Albert said. “Give him a moment.”
    “Thanks, Albert,” Stephen said, although so quietly he wasn’t sure the terminal had detected him.
    Both ladies, however, heard his remark and viewed him quizzically.
    “I’m sorry,” he said, pointing to his earbud, “too many voices in my head.”
    “I understand,” Ms Henshaw said. “I have several women in my ear who want to say how happy they are to meet you, Miss Austen, and … they all believe in you.”
    “That is very kind of them, and I am sure I’ll have a chance to thank them all privately in a chat room. Now, I hope you won’t mind me claiming this next dance?”
    “I am happy to release … relinquish him to you. Perhaps we can dance again later this evening?” Stephen suddenly realized that despite his poor performance his desirability had increased.
    “Thanks, that’d be great,” he said, and took her hand in his and bowed over it.
    “You’re supposed to kiss it,” Alan told him, which Stephen ignored.
    Ms Henshaw then left and Mary began to speak, but he interrupted her.
    “Could you give me just a second?” he asked. Mary consented with a smile and Stephen walked a short distance away.
    “OK guys, I’m going to take a little alone time here. I’m going to turn off my earbud and the speech recognition, but leave the terminal on.”
    “We’ll be OK,” Albert said.
    “Yeah, just remember to turn it back