Jingo

sent me I have sharred it with the other dwarfs on the Watch and they say it is better even than Ironcrufts (“T’ Bread Wi’ T’ Edge”) and you carn’t beat the taste of a home-forged loaf, so well done mum.
Things are going well with the Wolf Pack that I have told you about but Cmdr. Vimes is not happy, I told him they were good lads at heart and it would help them to learn the ways of Natchure and the Wilderness and he said hah they know them already that is the trouble. But he gave me $5 to buy a football which proves he cares deep down.
We have more new faeces in the Watch which is just as well with this truble with Klatch, it is all looking very Grave, I feel it is the Clam before the Storm and no mistake.
I must brake off now because some robbers have broke into Vortin’s Dimond Warehouse and have taken Corporal Angua hostage. I fear there may be terrible bloodshed so,
I remain,
Yr. Loving Son,
Carrot Ironfoundersson (Captain)

ps I will write again tomorrow
    Carrot folded the letter carefully and slipped it under his breastplate.
    “I think they have had long enough to consider our suggestion, constable. What’s next on the list?”
    Constable Shoe leafed through a file of grubby paper and pulled out another sheet.
    “Well, we’re down to offenses of stealing pennies off blind beggars now,” he said. “Oh, no, this is a good one…”
    Carrot took the sheet in one hand and a megaphone in the other and raised his head carefully over the edge of the cart.
    “Good morning again!” he said brightly. “We’ve found another one. Theft of jewelery from—”
    “Yes! Yes! We did it!” shouted a voice from the building.
    “Really? I haven’t even said when it was yet,” said Carrot.
    “Never mind, we did it! Now can we come out, please?” There was another sound behind the voice. It sounded like a low, continuous growl.
    “I think you ought to be able to tell me what you stole,” said Carrot.
    “Er…rings? Gold rings?”
    “Sorry, no rings mentioned.”
    “Pearl necklace? Yes, that’s what—”
    “Getting warmer, but no.”
    “Earrings?”
    “Ooo, you’re so close,” said Carrot encouragingly.
    “A crown, was it? Maybe a coronet?”
    Carrot leaned down to the constable. “Says here a tiara, Reg, can we let—?” He stood up. “We’re prepared to accept ‘coronet.’ Well done!”
    He looked down at Constable Shoe again.
    “This is all right, isn’t it, Reg? It’s not coercion, is it?”
    “Can’t see how it can be, captain. I mean, they broke in, they took a hostage…”
    “I suppose you’re right—”
    “ Please! No! Good boy! Down! ”
    “Seems to be about it, sir,” said Reg Shoe, peering around the edge of the cart. “We’ve got them down for everything but the Hide Park Flasher—”
    “We did that!” screamed someone.
    “—and that was a woman…”
    “We did it!” This time the voice was a lot higher. “ Now please can we come out ?”
    Carrot stood up and raised the megaphone. “If you gentlemen would care to step out with your hands up?”
    “Are you joking?” whimpered someone, against the background of another growl.
    “Well, at least with your hands where I can see them.”
    “You bet, mister!”
    Four men stumbled out into the street. Their torn clothing fluttered in the breeze. The apparent leader pointed an angry finger back at the doorway as Carrot walked toward them.
    “The owner of that place ought to be prosecuted!” he shouted. “Keeping a wild animal like that in his strongroom, it’s disgraceful! We broke in perfectly peacefully and it just attacked us for no reason at all!”
    “You shot at Constable Shoe here,” said Carrot.
    “Only to miss! Only to miss!”
    Constable Shoe pointed at the arrow sticking into his breastplate.
    “Right where it shows!” he complained. “It’s a welding job and we have to pay for our own armor repairs and there’ll always be a mark, you know, no matter what I do.”
    Their horrified gaze took in the stitch marks around his neck and on his hands, and it dawned on them that although the human race came in a variety of colors, very few living people were gray with a hint of green.
    “Here, you’re a zombie! ”
    “That’s right, kick a man when he’s dead,” said Constable Shoe sharply.
    “And you took Corporal Angua hostage. A lady ,” said Carrot, in the same level voice. It was very polite. But it simply suggested that somewhere a fuse was burning, and it would be a good idea