L Is for Lawless
fact, the last I heard, you were giving me the whole eight grand."
"You turned me down."
"I did not!"
"You did when I was there," I said, practically sticking my tongue out at her.
"Would you tell her to stay out of our business! This has nothing to do with you, Kinsey, so mind your own beeswax."
I felt a laugh bubble up. "Be a sport. This is fun. I'm the adopted daughter. This is 'family dynamic.' Isn't that what it's called? I read about this stuff, but I never got to experience it. Sibling rivalry's a hoot."
"What do you know about family?"
"Not a thing. That's my point. I like all this bickering now that I've got the hang of it." Ray said, "Is that true? You don't have family?"
"I have relatives, but no one close. Some cousins up in Lompoc, but none of this day-to-day stuff where people crank on each other and make trouble and act ugly."
"I lived a lot of years without family. It's my one regret," he said. "Anyway, will you come with us as far as Louisville? We'll get you home. I swear."
I'm a sucker when someone asks me nicely, especially an honorary father who smelled as good as he did. I said, "Sure. Why not? Your mother sounds like a trip."
"That she is," he said. "How long since you've seen her?"
"Seventeen years. I was out on parole, but I got picked up on a violation before I got this far. She never came to see me in prison. I guess she didn't want to deal with it."
Having negotiated our agreement, we drove on in peace. We reached Nashville at 10:35, all of us hungry. Laura spotted a McDonald's, the golden arches visible off the Briley Parkway. She took the nearest off-ramp. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, I saw her reach a hand under her jumper, where she made a discreet withdrawal from the Belly Button National Bank and Trust. Since mine was the only face unmarked by recent pounding, I was elected to go into the restaurant and purchase our lunch. To ensure variety in our diet, I bought an assortment of hamburgers, Big Macs, and Quarter Pounders with Cheese. I also bought two sizes of French fries, onion rings, and Cokes large enough to make us pee every twenty minutes. I also picked up three boxes of animal crackers, with nifty string handles, for those of us good enough to clean our plates. To show how refined we were, we ate while the car was still parked at the rear of the lot and then took advantage of the rest rooms before we hit the road again. This time Ray drove, Laura moved over to the passenger seat, and I stretched out in the back and took a nap.
When I woke, I could hear Ray and Laura talking in low tones. Somehow the murmuring took me back to the car trips of childhood, my parents in the front seat, exchanging desultory remarks. That's probably how I learned to eavesdrop originally. I kept my eyes closed and tuned in to their conversation.
Ray was saying, "I know I haven't been any kind of father to you, but I'd like to try."
"I have a father. Paul's already been a father."
"Forget him. The guy's a turd. I heard you say so."
"When?"
"Last night in the car when you were talking to Kinsey. Said he criticized the shit out of you growing up."
"Exactly. I had a father. So why do I need two?"
"Call it a relationship. I want to be a part of your life."
"What for?"
"What
for?
What kind of question is that? You're the only kid I got. We're blood kin."
"Blood kin. What bull."
"How many people can you say that about?"
"Thankfully, not many," she said with acid.
"Skip it. Have it your way. I'm not going to force myself on you. You can do what you like."
"No need to take offense. This is not about you," she said. "That's just how life is. Let's be honest. I've never gotten anything from men except grief."
"I appreciate the vote of confidence."
The conversation trailed off. I waited a suitable few minutes, then yawned audibly as if just rousing myself. I sat up in the backseat, squinting out at the countryside as it whizzed past the car windows. The sun had come out, but the light seemed pale. I could see rolling hills, carpeted in dull November green. The grass was still alive, but all the deciduous trees had dropped their leaves. The barren branches created a gray haze as far as the eye could see. In some areas we passed, I could see hemlocks and pines. In summer, I imagined the land would be intensely green, the hillsides dense with vegetation. Ray was watching me in the rearview mirror. "You ever been to Kentucky?"
"Not that I remember," I said. "Isn't this
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