Lamb: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

the dirt. The firelight caught tears sparkling in his eyes as he stared at nothing. “I am so relieved. I didn’t know what I would do. I don’t know how to be the Messiah.”
    “Neither do I,” said Joshua.
    “Well, I hope you really can raise the dead,” John said, “because this will kill my mother.”

    We walked with John for the next three days, through Samaria, into Judea, and finally into the holy city. Fortunately, there weren’t many rivers or streams along the way, so we were able to keep his baptisms to a minimum. His heart was in the right place, he really did want to cleanse our people of their sins, it was just that no one would believe that God would give that responsibility to a thirteen-year-old. To keep John happy, Josh and I let him baptize our little brothers and sisters at every body of water we passed, at least until Josh’s little sister Miriam developed the sniffles and Joshua had to perform an emergency healing on her.
    “You really can heal,” John exclaimed.
    “Well, the sniffles are easy,” Joshua said. “A little mucus is nothing against the power of the Lord.”
    “Would—would you mind?” John said, lifting up his tunic and showing his bare privates, which were covered with sores and greenish scales.
    “Cover, please cover!” I yelled. “Drop the shirt and step away!”
    “That’s disgusting,” Joshua said.
    “Am I unclean? I’ve been afraid to ask my father, and I can’t go to a Pharisee, not with my father being a priest. I think it’s from standing in the water all of the time. Can you heal me?”
    (I have to say here that I believe that this was the first time Joshua’s little sister Miriam ever saw a man’s privates. She was only six at the time, but the experience so frightened her that she never married. The last time anyone heard from her, she had cut her hair short, put on men’s clothes, and moved to the Greek island of Lesbos. But that was later.)
    “Have at it, Josh,” I said. “Lay your hands upon the affliction and heal it.”
    Joshua shot me a dirty look, then looked back to his cousin John, with nothing but compassion in his eyes. “My mother has some salve you can put on it,” he said. “Let’s see if that works first.”
    “I’ve tried salve,” John said.
    “I was afraid you had,” said Joshua.
    “Have you tried rubbing it with olive oil?” I asked. “It probably won’t cure you, but it might take your mind off of it.”
    “Biff, please. John is afflicted.”
    “Sorry.”
    Joshua said, “Come here, John.”
    “Oh, jeez, Joshua,” I said. “You’re not going to touch it, are you? He’s unclean. Let him live with the lepers.”
    Joshua put his hands on John’s head and the Baptist’s eyes rolled back in his head. I thought he would fall, and he did waver, but remained standing.
    “Father, you have sent this one to prepare the way. Let him go forth with his body as clean as his spirit.”
    Joshua released his cousin and stepped back. John opened his eyes and smiled. “I am healed!” he yelled. “I am healed.”
    John began to raise his shirt and I caught his arm. “We’ll take your word for it.”
    The Baptist fell to his knees, then prostrated himself before Joshua, shoving his face against Josh’s feet. “You are truly the Messiah. I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I shall declare your holiness throughout the land.”
    “Uh, maybe someday, but not now,” Joshua said.
    John looked up from where he had been grasping Josh’s ankles. “Not now?”
    “We’re trying to keep it a secret,” I said.
    Josh patted his cousin’s head. “Yes, it would be best not to tell anyone about the healing, John.”
    “But why?”
    “We have to find out a couple of things before Joshua starts being the Messiah,” I said.
    “Like what?” John seemed as if he would start crying again.
    “Well, like where Joshua left his destiny and whether or not he’s allowed to, uh, have an abomination with a woman.”
    “It’s not an abomination if it’s with a woman,” Josh added.
    “It’s not?”
    “Nope. Sheep, goats, pretty much any animal—it’s an abomination. But with a woman, it’s something totally different.”
    “What about a woman and a goat, what’s that?” asked John.
    “That’s five shekels in Damascus,” I said. “Six if you want to help.”
    Joshua punched me in the shoulder.
    “Sorry, old joke.” I grinned. “Couldn’t resist.”
    John closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, as if he might