Left for Garbage

they allow and it’s real expensive, as Mom couldn’t wait to mention. But if I’m the one paying for the call … or my parents … I mean, I don’t think they should be able to have any access to private conversations. Those calls should be as confidential as when I’m talking with my attorney on his visits, which is the only time these nosy vultures can’t listen in.
    I needed a good attorney , and when I first met Salvatore, I knew right away my luck had changed for the better.
    He totally hears me. God, he’s the first person who’s really listened to me in a long, long time. He just sits there and gives me all the time I need to pour my heart out. Thank God for Salvatore.
    The worst thing in here is when Deeley’s face flashes in front of me. It happens when I least expect it. I’ve been catching the news on and off. I’m really becoming well known and I hear the insults. But I’m also gathering support, and a lot of guys have started writing and even sending money. They all write about my picture, the one where I’m wearing that blue dress in the hot booty contest. I mean it’s embarrassing but kind of nice too. Those other people who are upset with me because I went out to Club Faction after Manny took Deeley, well they don’t get it. I needed to appear as if everything was normal until I could find out facts about my daughter’s whereabouts. I needed to get through this awful ordeal and I was all alone in it.
    Can’t they see how activity helped me do that? Sometimes a person needs distractions to clear the mind, to be able to start fresh the next day. Anyone can understand that. I know Deeley herself would. What little girl would want to see her mommy sitting home crying, or worse, see her mommy in jail? Just because I was out at a lounge doesn’t mean I didn’t care about Deeley.
    I’m anxious to call home again tomorrow to see if there’s any progress in getting me out of here. I hope Seel doesn’t answer , though. He questions me over and over about things I’ve already explained a hundred times. He tends to forget that I really can’t say anything during recorded phone calls.
    God, my brother gets me pissed off. The first call I made from here, when I wanted Aaron’s number so badly, instead of just giving it to me, Seel and his annoying as hell whiny biotch of a girlfriend , Sarah, drove me up a wall. It was sickening the way I had to beg for the number. I mean, I know, they weren’t exactly trusting Aaron at that time because they didn’t know anything about him and were maybe wondering if he had anything to do with Deeley’s disappearance, but I told them he didn’t, so why keep asking? God, all I wanted was to let Aaron know that I wasn’t going to bring him in on any of this insane stuff.
    He needed to hear it from me. But Seel and Sarah didn’t care about me, an innocent person sitting terrified for her life in jail. Nope they just kept asking questions about Deeley and the nanny instead of giving me Aaron’s damn number. I had to tell Sarah, over and over, that yes, yes, finding Deeley is my priority, and of course it is. But I really needed to talk to Aaron, and right then, or else he might never talk to me again … and now I fear that has happened.
    I think Aaron should have tried to get in touch with me. It would’ve been the decent thing to do. I’m really hurting over this. I was totally in love with Aaron , and I know if I could talk to him, he’d understand why I lied to the police, because there’s a lot more involved.
    Oh God, jail sucks.
    Still I want to try and look at the positive aspects of my situation because, in general, I’m a very positive carefree type of person, so I’m using my time here to look back to see where I might have made a mistake or where I messed up and trusted the wrong person, that kind of thing. It’s really good to do this, because as soon as all this is over, I’m probably going to have to be on TV shows all the time; ‘Oprah’ for sure, but I hope ‘Jimmy Fallon’ too. We’d make a pretty looking couple.
    Guys, there’ve been so many of them and always the wrong ones, that’s why sometimes I had to kind of hedge my bets , which is not wrong because they all do it too. When Blaine wouldn’t own up to being my baby’s father - my second pregnancy - I had Bobby, my ex-fiancé, to fall back on after the miscarriage, and then I met this super sweet guy named Wes who practically proposed to me the first time we