Left for Garbage

my place asking if she could take a shower. She said Aaron was out of town and she didn’t want to go home because she was fighting with her parents. Deeley wasn’t with her. I guess she was long gone by then, or maybe dead, though I pray it isn’t so. She left her backpack behind that day. I wasn’t snooping, I was just checking it to see if there was anything important in there, anything I needed to call her to come back and get. At the time, remember, I didn’t know Deeley was anywhere except at Manny the nanny’s, like Denise said, but after I found the little book in her backpack, I’ll admit I was curious. The book is called ‘A Voice in the Wind’ and it was about a little girl and her nanny, a nanny called Zanny - that’s pretty close to Manny, I guess. I wonder what Denise would say if I could ask her about it, which I can’t. She’s in jail and my dad would disown me if I went to see her.
    The last time she contacted me was on the 16th of July , the day she sent out the text saying Deeley was missing. The last time she spoke to me was about a week before when she called me up, kind of out of the blue, to ask me if her parents had tried to get in touch with me. I said no, why would they?
    She said, “Good, but if they do, don’t talk to them or tell them you’ve seen me. We’re having problems and I don’t want you to get involved in it, okay?”
    I told her I’d do what she asked - didn’t I always? - but could she tell me what it was about.
    She said, “No, not now, maybe when I’m drunk. It’s a long story, Bob.”
    That was it , the last time I heard her voice, except on TV when they aired her calling her parents from jail on her first night.
    No , it’s not lost on me that the only number she wanted was Aaron’s, but still I can’t help wondering what she would say if I could ask her about it. I don’t still love her or anything like that, I’m not a complete idiot, I’d just like to know what happened to her that put all of this in motion.

Flashback

    June 24, 2008

    Nothing ever worked out for her, Denise reflected morosely. She hadn’t wanted to kill Deeley, never even would have thought about killing her if it hadn’t been for her parents.
    Sure, she now wanted to spend all of her time with Aaron, but long before Aaron she had started to get the thoughts. Her Internet searches back in March had all bee n nothing more than being super-upset about old flames Marco and Blaine, and her parents. She had wanted Marco to love her but he started treating her like a cheap booty call, and then she met Blaine, but he had called her a liar when she told him she was pregnant with their baby. Actually, it was really Blaine who’d head-fucked her so badly she’d started checking out ways online to get rid of a person. She had felt pretty messed up, like at any time she might lose it, and it wasn’t like she hadn’t tried to get help, she had.
    She had called up good old Jesus-boy Bobby to ask his advice. He’d offered to pray for her, then immediately asked if they could hook up soon. She’d gone to see her old pal Larry from school and told him she wanted to go away to one of those places like she saw on Dr. Drew, not for substance abuse, but because she didn’t think she could live her life one more day. Then Bobby had turned around and called her mom , and that night Margaret gave her one of her come-to-Jesus meetings, saying, “You need to realize, Denise, that we don’t have the money to just send you to some fancy place for six weeks so you can feel better about yourself. All you need to do to feel better is spend more time with your baby. Stop the partying, stop with the boys, stop trying to live like a young single girl. You’re a mother now, Denise. Deeley has to come first, and besides, who exactly is going to take care of your daughter while you’re away for all that time, feeling better about your life? Me? Think again. I have to work, Denise, because God knows you’re not bringing any money in, are you? You need to pull yourself together and face up to your responsibilities, something you should have done the day Deeley was born, because I’m not going to let you go. As long as you’re under my roof and I’m supporting you and your child, you’re going to mother her. And I just don’t want to hear about your problems again, thank you very much. You need to grow up.”
    People could say , if they wanted to, that it’s that lecture that caused everything.