Life and Death are Wearing Me Out

tree, where she put her purple tongue to work picking up wormy red apricot leaves that had fallen to the ground and curling them into her mouth. She chewed the fruit with gusto. Fickleness and a tendency to change their mind whenever they saw something new was part of the sows’ nature, so they could hardly be blamed for doing what came naturally. That in itself guaranteed that supplying sperm with the finest genes to merge with their eggs in the womb was the way to produce superior offspring. That logic is so simple even pigs understand it, so how could a boar with the intelligence of Diao Xiaosan not? He flung his straw hat at me along with the remaining apricots.
    “You spoiled my fun, you son of a bitch!” he cursed angrily.
    I jumped out of the way and, with a good eye and quick hoof, snatched up the hat by its brim, and reared back until I was standing up straight. Holding my free hoof up in the air, I spun around and, with the gathered momentum, flung the hat and its apricot contents like a discus thrower. The golden yellow hat curved in a beautiful arc on its way to the moon. Suddenly, the strains of a moving straw hat song filled the air above us: La-la-la — La-ya la-la-ya-la — Mama’s straw hat is flying la — Mama’s straw hat is flying to the moon — La-ya la-la-ya-la — The sows under the tree were joined in song by hundreds of pigs in the farm; some jumped out of their pens, while those that lacked the ability stood up with their hooves on the walls, and all of them gazed up at the moon. I settled back down on all fours and said calmly, yet decisively:
    “Old Diao, I did what I did to ensure that the generations of pigs to come are produced by the finest genes, not to spoil your fun.”
    Once again I raised up on my hind legs and charged him; he reacted by charging me, and we crashed into each other — snout to snout — five or six feet above the ground. I not only got a firsthand sensation of how hard his snout was, but also got a whiff of the sickly sweet odor in his mouth. My snout ached and a song was echoing in my ears as I hit the ground. I was on my feet after a quick somersault. I rubbed my nose with a hoof, which came away stained with drops of blue blood.
    “You motherfucker!” I cursed under my breath.
    Diao Xiaosan also somersaulted himself back onto his feet and rubbed his nose. His hoof also came away stained with drops of blue blood. “You motherfucker!” he cursed under his breath.
    La-la-la — La-ya la-la-ya-la — I’ve lost the straw hat Mama gave me — The straw-hat song swirled in the air, the moon rolled back toward me and stopped directly overhead, where it rose and fell like a flying boat being tossed about by wind currents. The straw hat circled it gracefully, like a satellite to the moon. La-ya-la — La-ya la-la-ya-la — Mama’s straw hat is lost — Some of the pigs smacked their front hooves together, some stomped their rear hooves on the ground, rhythmically, as they sang the straw hat song.
    I picked up an apricot leaf, chewed it, then spit it out into my hoof and stuffed it up my bloody nose. Now I was ready for the next assault. I saw that Diao was bleeding from both nostrils, blue blood that dripped to the ground, where each drop shone like a will-o’-the-wisp. Deep down I was happy. The first round had produced no victor and no vanquished, although I knew I held the advantage, since only one of my nostrils was bleeding, not both. Diao’s eyes rolled furtively, almost as if he were searching for an apricot leaf. I guess you’d like to stuff leaves up your nose, too, pal, is that it? Well, I’m not giving you the chance. With a loud battle oink, I flashed him a piercing glare and flexed every muscle in my body, concentrating all my power into one mighty leap.
    This time, instead of leaping into the air, the sly devil slithered along the ground, and I just sailed through the air, all the way to the canopy of the crooked apricot tree. I immediately heard a series of loud cracks, just before I crashed to the ground, headfirst, carrying a thick forked limb down with me. A quick somersault and I was back on my feet again, but dizzy as can be and my mouth full of mud. La-la-la — La-ya la-la-ya-la — The sows clapped their hooves and sang. They were not my fans. Too easily swayed, they were ready to raise their bottoms to accept whoever came out on top. Conquest makes you the king. Diao Xiaosan, extremely pleased with himself, stood up on his hind