Light in the Shadows

before answering.  “It’s Lisa’s life insurance money.  It just came through a few days ago.  So I went and opened a joint account.  The money is yours, Clay.  To do what you want with it.  You could use it to go to school, or travel, or whatever.  I just wanted you to have it.  Lisa would have wanted you to have it.” 
                    I flipped through the checks, seeing my name and Ruby’s on the top.  This was unbelievable.  I tried to push it back into her hands.  “I can’t accept this Ruby.  You need this money more than I do.  Lisa would have wanted you to use it.  Seriously, it feels wrong for me to take it,” I said.
                    Ruby took my hands and pressed the small blue book into my palm.  “This isn’t open for discussion, Clayton.  You need this.  You are a bright young man with the world at your feet.  This is just a means to get you wherever you want to go.  You’re parents are useless and I know they have cut you off.  I don’t want you starting this next chapter of your life struggling.  Do this for me, so your old aunt won’t worry about how you’re keeping yourself.  I have always loved you like you were my own.  Lisa did too.  You were the son we never had.  You made our lives…”
                    “Miserable?  Don’t blow smoke up my ass, Ruby.  I was a fucking nightmare while I lived with you and Lisa.  How you can say anything different is beyond me,” I muttered around the lump in my throat.
                    Ruby closed her hands around the one holding the check book.  “Clay, you made our lives complete.  You gave us purpose.  Loving and caring for you has been my greatest joy.  Lisa saw you for the amazing, complicated and talented young man that you are.  Don’t throw this gift back in her face.  Use the money and do something with your life. You deserve it,” she said emphatically.
                    Shit, I was going to cry.  What was it about this tiny woman that brought me to my knees so quickly?  She went straight for the jugular and I couldn’t refuse her. 
                    “Thank you, Ruby.  I just…I don’t know what to say.” My voice broke and I tried not to sob like a pansy.  But I hadn’t been expecting anything like this.  It was all so…overwhelming.
                    “Anything for you, Clay.  Anything.  But there’s something else I need to tell you,” she said and I could detect a wobble in her voice.  She was looking nervous again.
                    “I’m selling the house and the shop.  I’ve already had a real estate agent come by and start the paperwork.  It’s too hard staying here.  I don’t need a house to keep my memories and I just think it would be easier to get on with my life if I wasn’t drowning in the grief I feel here,” Ruby said, tears dripping down her face.
                    I felt like I had been smacked in the face with a two by four.  Ruby was selling the house?  She was getting rid of the shop?  I felt like I was plummeting to the ground without a parachute.  My world had just gone out from underneath me and I was in a free fall. 
                    “What? Where will you go?” I demanded.
                  Ruby dropped my hand and sat back in her chair, picking up her mug and holding it between her palms.  “I was thinking of going back to Florida.  Lisa and I had talked about retiring to Key West and I think that’s where I want to go.  I just have to leave Davidson.   I feel like I’m suffocating.  I used to be so happy here.  But now, I just see ghosts,” Ruby sobbed and I knew I should probably comfort her.  But I was too busy freaking out.
                    Ruby was selling the house.  She was leaving me.  The one person in my family who had never abandoned me was leaving me behind.  That tiny kid inside of me curled into a ball and started to scream.  How could she do this to me? 
                    “What about me?” I rasped out, my voice gone.  Ruby’s face crumpled and she started crying in earnest. 
                    “My darling, Clay.  I won’t leave until you decide what you’re going to do. I wouldn’t do that to you.  But please, just understand that I need to do this.  I just can’t…move on!  If I’m going to live this