Light in the Shadows

              “It’s about Lisa McCabe,” she began and I blinked at the unexpected direction of the conversation.  Ruby’s Lisa?  I frowned in confusion. 
     
                    “What’s up with Lisa?” I asked with some hesitation, knowing on an instinctual level that I wouldn’t like what she had to tell me.
     
                    My mom squeezed my hand.  “Lisa was involved in a car crash on I81 early this morning,” she said softly.  I stiffened.
     
                    “Is she okay?” I asked quietly, already knowing, by the looks on both she and my father’s faces, exactly what her next words would be.
     
                    Dad shook his head.  “Lisa ran her own media production company out of Charlottesville, right?” my dad asked me and I nodded.  “Apparently she was headed home after working most of the night and fell asleep behind the wheel.  She hit a guard rail and flipped her vehicle.  She died on impact.”  I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes.  God, how awful!
     
                    I instantly felt guilty for letting my relationship with Lisa and Ruby dissolve.  I had been trying so hard to put distance between me and everything and everyone “Clay related.”  But that hadn’t been fair of me.  Particularly when Lisa and Ruby had done nothing but love and support me.  And Lisa had cared deeply about Clay.  She had wanted to help him so badly. 
     
                  I thought about her visit to the coffee shop just a few weeks ago.   I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that that was the last time I would ever see her.
     
      “I should call Ruby.  Go see her.  Something,” I said.  This would kill Ruby.  I had always thought her relationship with Lisa had been beautiful.  Theirs was a love that would last forever.  It was so wrong that their forever hadn’t lasted nearly long enough. 
     
                    I got to my feet.  I knew I had to do something.  I just wasn’t sure what.  My grief for Lisa was a heavy thing.  My mom and dad came quickly to my side both putting their arms around my shoulders, holding me up from either side.  “We can go see her together, Maggie.  See if there’s anything we can do to help. Ruby is such a lovely woman,” my mom suggested and I leaned into her, grateful for the comfort.
     
                    And then I thought of the other person who would be affected by this sudden tragedy.  A person who couldn’t afford to be blindsided by the pain this would cause.  Someone who I knew was barely holding it together as it was.  The knife in my gut this time wasn’t for me, or for Ruby. It belonged entirely to Clay, who I knew would be hurting beyond anything I could imagine.
     
                    “Thanks, Mom, Dad,” I whispered, unable to find my voice.  My dad kissed the top of my head and went over to the electric kettle, pulling out my favorite chamomile tea in order to make me a cup.  My mom went to the cupboard and started pulling ingredients out and putting them on the counter.  I recognized the bits needed for her seven cheese casserole.  What was it about death that ignited the need to cook?  It seemed so trivial in the face of such a terrible thing.  But I supposed it was more about feeling useful.  Even if that filled our needs more than anyone else’s.
     
                    “I’m gonna get some air,” was all I could say and I found myself pushing through the backdoor and out into the yard.  I swept the bangs off my forehead and dropped my head back, staring at the sky.  All I could think of was Clay.  Clay. Clay. Clay.
     
                    He never seemed to catch a break.  My heart broke all over again for the boy I loved deeply and with every fiber of my being.  I couldn’t stop myself from obsessing about how he would handle the news.  Would it undo all of the progress he’s made?  Would he be able to come back from the grief?  He loved Lisa like a mother.  She and Ruby had been all that he had in the way of supportive and caring family.  This had the potential to destroy him all over again.
     
                    And then my mind ground to a halt at a sudden realization.  He would be coming back to Davidson.  Shit, of course he would be.  I shook my head, gripping my hair at the scalp.  I