Light in the Shadows

couldn’t think about that.  Wouldn’t think about what that would mean for me when I saw him again.  Because it was supremely selfish to worry about my own feelings when Ruby and Clay had lost so much. 
     
                    I pulled out my phone and dialed Ruby’s number.  I didn’t know what I would say.  Words seemed useless at the moment.  And I hated how relieved I was when I got her voicemail.  My eyes burned with tears at the sound of the silly message she and Lisa used as their greeting.  I sniffled and wiped my eyes just as the beep ended.
     
      “Ruby.  It’s Maggie.  I, uh, I just wanted to call and tell you how… sorry I am.  God, I’m so very sorry,” I choked on the words and had to stop.  I tried to calm down so I could get out the rest of what I wanted to say.
     
                    “I just wanted you to know if you need anything.  Please call.  I loved Lisa.  She was such a wonderful person.  I’m just so sorry,” I ended on a whisper.  And I couldn’t say anymore so I just hung up. 
     
                    My head dropped, my chin hitting my chest.  My phone fell from my hand to the ground and I was lost in my feelings of sadness for a life cut short and for the impact it would have on the person I loved the most.
     
     

C HAPTER E IGHT   
      - C LAY-
     
     
     
     
     
                    The day began like any other.  My alarm went off at seven.  I got out of bed and took a shower.  After eating a barely edible breakfast, I headed for my first group session.  Today’s topic was on building your support systems.  I was engaged and focused.  Because I was Clayton Reed, Super Patient!
     
                    Then I attended school for two hours.  I completed my biology paper and started working on an essay on the short story A Rose for Emily for my American Lit assignment.  I had never particularly enjoyed school.  I hated the crowded hallways and people way too up in your business.  But now having a seven hour school day crammed into two, I missed the luxury of going from class to class.  I hated the break neck pace of reading and writing, trying to shove an entire education into such a short amount of time. 
     
                    But I was kicking ass.  I had never cared about doing well.  Do my homework?  Fuck that.  Pay attention to my teachers’ lectures?  No way.  But now, with my head more in the game than it used to be, I was finally taking the whole educate yourself, seriously. 
     
                    I was determined to be the poster child for a post breakdown lifestyle.  Look at me, I can go to school, talk about my feelings and be a productive member of society.  Suck that, Mom and Dad! 
     
                    I finished my assignments and had lunch.  Maria and Tyler were still in group and Susan was in her therapy session.  So it was only Greg and me.  Which was cool.  Greg was a pretty funny guy, giving new meaning to the word crazy.  Because man did Greg fit the stereotype of a mental patient.  Or maybe someone was channeling “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”
     
                    You’d think he had Tourette’s with the stuff that came out of his mouth.  But nope, he just had zero filter.  Telling someone to fuck off on the heels of explaining why the global economy was failing.  You could be scared of him or just roll with it.  I had to admit I was a bit of both.
     
                  So, like I said, the day was like every other since I had come to Grayson.  I should have known that the moment things started to resemble normal the floor was ready to drop out from underneath me.
     
                    I was in my room.  Tyler was still at lunch, having come in as I was leaving.  So I was trying to enjoy this rare piece of solitude by taking a nap before my next support group.  I was just about to nod off when there was a knock at my door. 
     
                    I tried not to growl as I said, “Come in.”  Jonathon came inside and I could tell instantly that something was wrong.  I sat up and put my feet on the floor. 
     
                    “Dr. Todd needs to see you,” Jonathan said, giving me a smile that held too much sympathy for my peace of mind. 
     
                    “Why?  What’s going on?” I asked