Light in the Shadows

all him.  Jake wasn’t my boyfriend.  He was a friend, nothing more. 
                    “Yeah, he is.  But I haven’t seen him yet.  The funeral is at two and then there’s a gathering at Ruby’s house.  I just don’t know when it’s going to be over,” I said shortly, a little irritated by Jake’s attitude.  It was a freaking funeral.  I shouldn’t feel guilty for backing out of our plans because of it.
                    “Well.  Okay then.  I guess if you finish up early enough, give me a call.  Otherwise, I’ll see you on Monday.”  Yeah, he was pissed.  Well he was just going to have to simmer in his juvenile behavior because I wasn’t biting.
                    “Sure,” I bit out and hung up.  Screw Jake Fitzsimmons.  I tossed my phone onto the bed and stood there with my hands on my hips, feeling edgy and annoyed. 
                    The smell of bacon wafted up the stairs and my stomach rumbled.  I hadn’t eaten much in the way of dinner the night before and my belly was letting me know.  I headed down into the kitchen.  My mom looked up and smiled at me.  She looked stunning in her black pencil skirt and grey silk blouse.  She had pulled her blonde hair into a neat bun at the base of her neck.  My mother looked graceful and perfect.  Just like she always did.
                    But what I loved even more was the way she looked at me with understanding and compassion.  She knew how hard this day would be for me.  “Come eat, honey.  I made banana pancakes, just for you.”  She loaded up a plate and brought it over to the table.  My dad was drinking his coffee and reading the paper. 
                    “You look lovely,” my mom said, kissing the top of my head.  I smiled up at her, picking up a piece of bacon. 
                    “Thanks, Mom,” I replied, grabbing the maple syrup and drenching my pancakes with it.  Mom poured herself a cup of coffee and came to sit beside me.  She watched me silently as I ate.
                    “How are you feeling?” she asked as I shoveled food into my mouth.  I chewed slowly and thought of how to respond.  I had to be careful how I answered.  I knew my parents were going to be watching me very closely.  They were worried about my seeing Clay again.  They had only just started to relax their hyper-vigilant hovering and I didn’t want them to start helicoptering again. 
                    I understood why they were concerned.  I’d be coming face to face with the boy who had ripped my heart out and left me a broken mess.  They understood my compulsive need to help him.  And seeing him in mourning was sure to bring out all of those feelings again. 
                    But that didn’t mean I would act on any of those instincts.  I would be there to pay my respects to a woman I had come to love and admire.  That was the priority today.  Clay was in my past.  And while I could offer my condolences, I would leave it at that. 
                    “I’m sad, you know?  I hadn’t really talked to Lisa in months, but she was such a wonderful person,” I said honestly.  My mom nodded, sipping on her coffee.  My dad looked at me over the top of the newspaper, his brows furrowed.
                    “I’m not sure going to Ruby’s house afterwards is the best idea.  We’ll go to the funeral and then I think we should head home,” my father said.  I stopped chewing and dropped my fork onto my plate.
                    “Dad, of course we should go to Ruby’s.  It would be rude not to,” I argued.  Honestly, I was terrified at the prospect of walking into Ruby’s house again.  But I needed to go.  It seemed irrationally important that I be there.
                    “I’m sure there will be enough people there, we won’t be missed.  I just think it would be uncomfortable.  And that’s the last thing Ruby needs today,” my dad said, closing the newspaper and setting it down on the table. 
                    “Uncomfortable for who, Dad?  Is this about Ruby or more about you?” I asked sharply.
                    My dad’s face flushed and I instantly regretted snapping at him.  Time to try a different approach.
                  “Please, Dad.  I need to be there for