Light in the Shadows

her way up those steps.  And I felt powerless to do anything about it.
                    I stood in the middle of the filthy kitchen not sure what I should do.  I guess I could go upstairs and get some sleep.  But the truth was I was terrified to go in my room.  Too many memories.  Too many triggers.  I just wasn’t ready for that. 
                    Instead, I rolled up my sleeves and filled the sink with soapy water.  I started to wash the dishes.  Then I moved on to cleaning the counters and taking out the trash.  I found the broom in the closet and swept the floor. 
                    After I was finished in the kitchen, I moved onto the living room.  Straightening couch cushions and throwing out mail.  But I didn’t touch Lisa’s stuff.  I just couldn’t do that.  I knew that Ruby wasn’t ready. 
                    By the time I had straightened up the downstairs, it was two-thirty in the morning.  I stood at the base of the stairs, debating whether I should go up or not.  But I wasn’t in any sort of emotional state to handle the feelings that room would create in me.
                    I pulled off my shirt and made myself comfortable on the couch.  Staring up at the ceiling I really wondered how I would survive being back here.  I forced myself away from all Maggie related thoughts and tried to get some sleep.
                    I finally found myself nodding off with her eyes burning in my mind.

C HAPTER T EN   
      - M AGGIE-
     
     
     
                    I pulled a black dress out of my closet and held it up in front of me.  Yuck, no way.  I hated black.  And I knew Ruby hated black.  So instead, I pulled out my dark green dress and decided to wear that one instead.
                    Lisa’s funeral was at two.  It was only ten in the morning.  But I couldn’t stay in bed.  I felt restless and antsy.  The last few days had passed in a bit of a blur.  Mom and I had tried to go by and see Ruby a few times.  But every time we attempted to do so, she wasn’t home.  Or didn’t answer the door. 
                    We left the casserole on her front porch and when I drove by later, I saw that it was gone.  I hoped Ruby had gotten it.  Otherwise some jackass had stolen it and was enjoying some of my mother’s fantastic cooking.  Which was completely fucked up.
                    I had sent a bouquet of flowers to Ruby’s house.  I had spent a long time picking out the most beautiful arrangement possible.  Which was sort of ridiculous.  Who really gives a shit about flowers when they were putting the love of their life in the ground?
                    Rachel and Daniel would be going to the funeral with my parents and me later today.  They hadn’t really known Lisa, but they were going to support me.  I spent an inordinate amount of time putting together my outfit.  Brushing out my hair and applying my makeup.  I hated how obsessive I was acting over my appearance. 
                    This was a funeral, not a beauty pageant. 
                    But today I would see him.  And even if I somehow convinced myself that I didn’t care, that what he thought about the way I looked was insignificant, it would be a freaking lie. 
                    Unfortunately I cared way too much about what he thought.  What he felt.  How he was handling things now that he was back in Davidson.  I had to talk myself out of driving to Ruby’s yesterday after I had learned he was back in town.
                    His arrival had caused quite the stir at school.  I had overheard a number of people talking about how they had seen him around.  It was confirmed that he had gone into the flower shop to order arrangements.  Then he had taken Ruby to Grandy’s Steak house for dinner.  His every move was catalogued and dissected as though he were a damn celebrity.
                    It wasn’t every day that the town crazy came home.  Because that’s what everyone was really talking about.  How good he looked.  He was even acting social.  Apparently a few brave souls had attempted conversation with him.  And, oh my gosh, he had talked to them!  How amazing was that?  This wasn’t the same guy who had refused to talk to anyone when he had lived here before.  The social