Light in the Shadows

Ruby,” I pleaded.  My mom watched me closely.
                    “And Clay?” she asked casually.  Too casually. 
                    I took a deep breath.  “Of course, Clay too.  But today is about Lisa.  Nothing else,” I hurried on.  My parents shared a look but didn’t say anything else.  I ate the rest of my breakfast in a thick silence.  The bacon and pancakes sitting like lead in my stomach.
                    It was eleven by the time I finished.  I got up to rinse my dishes in the sink.  My parents each gave me a kiss before heading out to run some errands before the funeral.  They hadn’t brought up going to Ruby’s house again and I still wasn’t sure whether I would be permitted to go or not.  But I knew if they nixed the idea, I couldn’t argue.  I wouldn’t go down that road again, defying my parents for Clay. 
                    Rachel and Daniel showed up around noon and I was thankful for the distraction.  Rachel looked pretty in her black, knee length dress.  Daniel cleaned up nicely in a grey suit and dark blue tie.  He was letting his blonde hair grow out and it fell in curls over his forehead. 
                    They came in and we made our way up to my room.  “So, I heard from Jake that you cancelled our plans for tonight,” Daniel commented, taking his jacket off and laying it over my desk chair. 
                    “We’re not going out tonight?” Rachel asked, looking at me in surprise.  I clenched my teeth together.
                    “I just didn’t think I’d be up to it after this afternoon, alright?” I said defensively, sitting down on the edge of my bed, careful not to crease my skirt.  Rachel and Daniel looked at one another and I could interpret all too well their silent communication.
                    “Mags, come on, I think it will be good for you to get out tonight,” Daniel said gently, moving clothes off of my vanity stool so Rachel could sit down.  I sighed, really hoping that they would just let it drop.  But seeing the firm set of Danny’s jaw, I knew they wouldn’t.
                    “Is this about Jake?  Because I only agreed to go with him because he sort of wore me down.  I don’t really like him like that…” I started and Danny shook his head.
                    “This has absolutely nothing to do with Jake and absolutely fucking everything to do with Clay,” he bit out angrily.  Whoa, where was this coming from?
                    “Danny,” Rachel warned quietly.  I looked between the two of them, getting frustrated by their complete lack of faith in me.
                    “Look you two, stop freaking out about this.  I will tell you the same thing I told my parents, it’s a funeral.  I will be going to pay my respects to Lisa.  Who happens to be someone I had come to care a lot about.  Stop making this all about Clay, it’s ridiculous and more than a little disrespectful,” I scolded them.
                    Rachel had the decency to look contrite.  Daniel on the other hand simply stared back at me belligerently.  “Don’t act like seeing Clay won’t fuck with your head, Mags.  You forget it was Rachel and I who sat here day after day while you totally fell apart over that guy.  I feel bad for him.  I know this is hard on him.  But I wish like hell he wasn’t here.  Because I’m worried what this will do to you.”  I bit my tongue on the hateful comment that wanted to fly out of my mouth.
                    “Jeeze, give me a little credit here.  You’re making me feel really pathetic,” I mumbled.  Rachel shot a dark look at her boyfriend before turning to me.
                    “We don’t mean to make you feel that way.  And what Daniel was so ineloquently trying to say, was that we’re just worried.”  I threw my hands up in the air in frustration.
                    “Stop worrying!” I said louder than I meant to. 
                  Daniel crossed the room and put his arm around my shoulder.  He stooped down to kiss my cheek.  “Not possible, babe.  We love you,” he said warmly and any irritation I was feeling melted away.  Damn Daniel Lowe and his stupid considerate ass. 
                    “I love you too, you fuckwad,” I