Light in the Shadows

feelings being dictated by another person like this.  But when it was good, it was so freaking good.
                  “Bye Tilly,” I said as we were leaving and Maggie smirked at me. 
                    “Oblivious,” she mouthed.
                    I rolled my eyes.  “Whatever,” I muttered, though I could play oblivious all day long if it meant she kept teasing me like this. 
                    Maggie’s phone started to ring and she pulled it out to check the caller ID.  I noticed the way her eyes darted to me before she answered. 
                    I unlocked my car doors as Maggie began to talk to the person on the other line.  I could tell instantly that she wasn’t speaking to either Daniel or Rachel.  There was something about her voice that I couldn’t quite place. 
                    She turned her face away as she spoke quietly and I tried respect her privacy and not eavesdrop.  But that possessive animal inside of me had me listening all the same.  And when I heard her say, “I don’t know, Jake.  I promised my parents I’d be home for dinner,” I wanted to snarl. 
                    Fucking Jake.  Apparently they were close enough to talk on the phone now.  And yeah, that pissed the hell out of me.  A voice inside me growled she’s mine.   And then my head became consumed by dark, twisted thoughts of Maggie with Jake and I couldn’t handle it. 
                    I pulled out into traffic and hauled ass to her house.  Maggie looked over at me in concern when I cut a sharp turn, causing my tires to squeal.  I didn’t even spare her a glance.  I couldn’t even look at her.  This was killing me. 
                    “I’ve gotta go, Jake.  I’ll call you later,” Maggie said and hung up.  My teeth were clenched and I was equal parts relieved and devastated when I pulled up in front of Maggie’s house.
                  I didn’t turn off the car.  I just needed her to go even as I dreaded her getting out of the vehicle and leaving me.  But I was fuming.  I was mad at her, mad at me, mad and that fucking tool, Jake.  I couldn’t deal with this right now.  The dark need to take care of this horrible pain was becoming overwhelming.
                    “Clay.  About Jake…”Maggie started and I held up my hand, cutting her off. 
                    “You don’t need to explain shit to me.  We’re not together.  End of story.” I sounded bitter and cold and I saw the way Maggie flinched.  I felt the flicker of regret but it was quickly drowned out by the noise in my head. 
                    “No, we’re not together, Clay.  But I’m not with Jake either.  We’re just friends.  Not that I should have to tell you anything.” She sounded irritated but even still she reached out, placing her hand on my arm.
                    I tensed and thought about pulling away.  But I was rendered motionless, too needy for her touch.  “You’re right, it’s your life.  Spend it with who you want,” I said, my words strangled in my throat.  It was such a lie.  I didn’t want her spending it with anyone but me.  That scary part of me wanted me to claim her, force her to see that I was all she wanted because she was all I needed .
                    Maggie sighed and removed her hand, leaving me aching and alone.  “God, Clay.  Why can’t anything ever be simple between us?  Jake’s a friend.  And let me remind you, that it was you who ended us.  Because I wouldn’t have done that. There is nothing in this world that would have made me leave you.”  Maggie got out of my car and shut the door.  Without a backward glance she went into her house.
                    I slammed my palms down onto the steering wheel several times and let out a deep, guttural scream.  I threw the car into drive and got the hell out of there.  I couldn’t think.  I couldn’t focus.  I just wanted to go somewhere.  Find something to take it all away.  This was too fucking much.  I couldn’t deal with the pain that fizzled in my gut.  I needed for it to disappear. 
                    I got on the interstate and drove. And drove. And drove.  With no purpose other than putting distance between me and the girl who was ripping my insides out.  After