Light in the Shadows

reached out to grab her arm.  Come on Clay, seize the moment , I yelled at myself.   My life had become all about second chances.  So why not jump at this one?
                    “What do you say, you come with me to Ruby’s shop and then I can give you a ride home?  I could use some help with the inventory.  Ruby hasn’t been in for a while and the place is a mess.” I didn’t drop her arm; instead I slid my hand down her skin until I had ahold of her hand. I felt like a bit of a manipulator.  I was using her need to help to get her to spend time with me.  Well, whatever worked, right?
                    Maggie looked at my hand holding hers and I realized I was seriously overstepping here.  I moved my fingers from her skin and curled them into a fist before jamming them into my pocket.  I instantly understood her anger during our last conversation.  I was sending some seriously messed up mixed messages. 
                    But it’s like I couldn’t help myself.  Being around her was more intoxicating than any drug.  My body seemed to move of its own volition, seeking out any means to touch her.  She was and always will be my weakness. 
                    My heart and mind were in a constant battle where Maggie was concerned.  The near panic I felt when I was around her, made it difficult to see anything else.  But my heart needed her.  And that’s where we always had our problems.  Because I couldn’t need her, not anymore.  I could want her, long for her, but never need.  Because that spelled disaster for both of us.  And I had had more than enough disaster in my life. 
                    I was determined to do right by her and I had sworn that meant staying the fuck away from her.  But being near her again made doing the right thing nearly impossible. In fact, I was thinking the right thing needed to take a hike.  I was ready to do the what felt good thing for a couple of hours.
                  For a guy who struggled with finding his place in the world, standing next to Maggie, I understood one thing on a very fundamental level.  Wherever she went, whatever she did, that is where I belonged.
                    Maggie chewed on her bottom lip for a minute and then gave me a small smile.  “Just give me a minute.  Let me take Rachel her hooker shoes.”  She glanced over her shoulder as she made her way into the restaurant, as though to make sure I was still waiting for her.
                    You crazy girl, don’t you know I’d wait for you forever?
                    Maggie came back a few minutes later, this time wearing a large smile. Could that be for me?  I sure freaking hoped so.
                    “Let’s go.”  She went around to the passenger side of my car and I followed her to unlock the door, just as I had a thousand times before.  Holding the door for her, she climbed in with a soft “Thanks.”
                    I couldn’t control the huge grin that spread across my face.  My heart beat wildly in my chest, a reminder that this could still end very badly.  That my screwed up head was still capable of fucking it all up.  But for right now, I was letting my heart do the leading.
                  Maggie reached down into the pocket of the door and pulled out my CDs.  They were the same ones that I had always had.  Thumbing through them, she chose one and put it in the player.  The familiar strains of Placebo came out of the speakers and I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel.  “Nice choice,” I said, shooting her a sideways smile.  We always had shared a common love of alternative glam rock.  Okay, so I’m a closet Davie Bowie fan, what of it?
                    “Of course,” she quipped as she started to bob her head up and down to the music.  We pulled into the shop’s parking lot a short time later.  “Ruby hasn’t been here in a while then?” she asked.  I shook my head.
                    “Nope, Tilly’s been covering things, but I’m trying to pitch in and help when I can.”  We walked through the front door, the bells tingling above us.  “Hey Tilly!” I called out in greeting. 
                    Tilly was reading a book behind the counter but jumped to her feet when she saw me.  “Clay!  Hi!  I didn’t know you were coming