Light in the Shadows

wanted to walk the road Clay was trying so hard to pave for us. 
                    “You look lovely.  Big plans tonight?” My mom peered into my room, a soft smile on her face.  I tensed, ready to launch over hurdle number one.
                    I took a brush to my hair and tugged it through with enough force to make me wince.  Just because I was nervous didn’t mean I had to inflict bodily harm.  What had my poor hair ever done to me?
                  “Yeah.  Actually, you got a minute, Mom?” I asked her, trying to control the wobble in my voice.  My mom seemed to pick up on my apprehension and came in to sit down on my bed. 
                    “You really need to clean this room.  You can barely see the floor, Maggie May,” my mom scolded, picking up a pile of clothes and absently began to fold them.
                    I swallowed around the thick lump in my throat.  “I’m going out with Clay tonight,” I let out in a rush.  My mom’s hands stilled and she laid them on the clothes in her lap.  I could see by the way her neck tensed up that she was not happy with my news. 
                    But I refused to hide things from them ever again.  I had played the part of the secretive teenager and it only served to demolish the trust my parents had in me.  And that was not a place I wished to revisit anytime soon.
                    “Mom?” I ventured, wanting her to respond in some way.  Her silence only served to increase the nervous flutter in my stomach.
                    My mom took a deep breath and looked up at me.  She seemed tired and much older than I ever remember her being.  Had I done this to her?  Was I responsible for the new wrinkles around her eyes and the tired droop of her mouth? 
                    “Okay,” she said slowly and I know my eyes popped out of my head. 
                    “Okay?” I clarified, not sure I had heard her correctly.
                    My mom’s smile was tight.  “Not the response you were expecting?” she asked me, moving the pile of clothes off to the side and folding her hands in her lap.
                    “Well, no.  I was expecting something a bit more…explosive,” I admitted, eyeing her warily.  Who was this woman and what had she done with my mother?
                    My mom patted the bed beside her and I quickly joined her.  She brushed my bangs out of my face and rubbed my cheek.  She seemed sad and tired and just like my dad several weeks ago, she appeared resigned.
                    “What would be the point of yelling and telling you not to go?  Would you stay home?  Would you forget about Clay?” she inquired, taking my hands and holding them lightly in hers.
                    I shook my head.  “No.  I wouldn’t,” I answered her honestly.  My mom’s eyes began to glisten dangerously.  I knew tears were imminent.  I hated it when my mother cried.  I felt helpless and guilty.
                    “I don’t want to lose all that we’ve worked so hard to rebuild between us.  Your father and I love you.  Before, with Clay, we were so scared for you.  We knew what you had with him could only end in a broken heart.  And I hate it that we were right.”  I found it hard to breathe and my mom wrapped her arm around my shoulders. 
                    “I know that if your dad and I had been more open minded.  If we had listened instead of judging, things could have turned out very differently.  But we were so terrified that our baby girl would get hurt that we went into shut down.  You resented us.  We were so angry.  That was a horrible place to be.”  She laid her cheek on the top of my head and I felt myself relax against her.
                    “You’re not the only one that can change, Maggie May.  Even us old folks can learn a lesson or two.  And the main one we’ve learned is we have to trust you to live your life.  You’re going to make your own choices and I just hope that you know you can talk to us.  About anything.” She pulled me up by my shoulders so that I was looking at her again.
                    “And I’m still scared for you, baby girl.  Because I’m not sure how much has really changed for Clayton.  I know he’s