Light in the Shadows

for me to come down.  Eeee!  I’m so excited!”  Maria’s giddiness was hard to ignore.  Yeah, this was fine.  Maria was cool.  No weirdness necessary. 
                    “I can’t wait to hear all about your life on the outside.  Is it everything you hoped it would be?” she asked.  I needed to get inside Bubbles and start my shift.
                    “I can fill you in next weekend.  I’ve got to get to work,” I explained.  Maria gave a mock gasp.
                    “You’re working?  Look at you being a productive member of society.”  I chuckled.
                    “That’s me, productive society guy,” I deadpanned.
                    “Before you go, have you seen that girl?  Maggie?” Maria asked and I knew there was more to her direction of questioning than simple curiosity. 
                    “Yeah.  Actually, she and I are well…we got back together,” I admitted.
                    “Oh.  That’s great, Clay.  I hope you’re happy,” she sounded sincere, if a little crestfallen.  I tried to ignore the disappointment and jealousy in her voice.
                    “I’d better get going.  I’ll talk to you next week,” I said, ready to conclude the phone call. 
                  I wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about Maria’s upcoming visit.  But my gut, or was it my deep seeded paranoia, couldn’t help but feel this was a disaster waiting to happen.
     
     
     

 
    Chapter Eighteen    

-Maggie-
     
     
     
    I was nervous.  Screw it, I was really, really nervous.  I stared at my reflection in the mirror and smoothed the skirt of my grey sweater dress for the millionth time since I had put it on.  I looked cute.  But was I trying to be cute?  Sexy, amazing, or drop dead gorgeous would have been so much better.
                    But I was stuck with cute.
                  I had never been one to obsess about my looks like most teenage girls.  I went with what God gave me and was okay with that.  But for some reason tonight, I was freaking the hell out. 
                    Which was beyond ridiculous.  Because the person I was dressing up for already thought I was the most beautiful girl on the planet.
                    Poor deluded sap that he was.
                    Tonight was the “date.”  Clay and I had talked a few times during the week and we hadn’t been able to agree on what we wanted to do.  I didn’t want him to go to a lot of trouble.  But he wanted to make it special.
                    And I could appreciate that.  Because this felt like the beginning for us.  Our first step toward a future that we had always wanted to have.  Our chance to take things one step at a time, in the right order.  Lord knows we skipped a whole bunch of pivotal moments the last time. 
                    But now was about walking, not sprinting to the finish line.  And I was happy to stroll.
                    Part of me wished this was the first time for us.  That we didn’t have a butt load of baggage that always tickled the back of our minds with unwanted memories.  I hated the twinge of distrust I continued to feel in Clay’s presence and I absolutely loathed the hyper vigilant anxiousness that I often felt from him.
                    I had been so lost in the blissful throes of reunion that it had taken a few days before the reality started to set in.  I tried not to watch him and monitor his behavior.  But it was habit.  And I couldn’t help but watch for any indication that he had veered off the course to recovery and was lying to me all over again.
                    This was not the friendly feeling of déjà vu, but a smack a bitch in the face remembrance.  And I didn’t like it one bit. 
                    But I would have been the worst kind of naïve if I dusted off my rose colored glasses again.  I could tell Clay was making every effort to show me things were different.  But how different could they really be?  Not that much time had passed.  And given all that he had gone through, relapse almost seemed preordained.
                    Which was a shitty way of thinking.  But think about it, I did. 
                    But for tonight, I