Light in the Shadows

discharged?  I thought you were going to do another six months.”  Maria and I had both talked about staying on for the six month program before I left.  But then I had up and left.  I really hoped her decision had nothing to do with my leaving.  But I had a bad feeling that it did.  Maria’s attachment had become borderline dependent.  Dr. Todd and I had discussed it a few times.  He had mentioned that it was normal for people in treatment to come to rely on other patients as a means of emotional support.  That it wasn’t unusual for people to transfer their intense feelings onto those around them. 
                    Dr. Todd had warned me that it could quickly become unhealthy and counterproductive.  Which is why staff closely monitored interactions between patients.  Though I knew for a fact quite a few had entered into romantic relationships with each other while in treatment. 
                    But Maria and I, we were just friends.  But I knew my leaving would be hard for her.  So hearing that she had left had me worried. 
                    “Yeah, well, I was sort of sick of being there.  I didn’t really feel like I was going to get any more out of it, you know?”  I guess I could understand that, but I wasn’t convinced that was Maria’s reason for leaving.
                    “So, where are you then?  Back with your grandma?”  Maria lived with her grandmother in Boca Raton before she went to the Grayson center.  Her biological father was in jail for abusing her when she was a child and Maria hadn’t heard from her mother since she was ten.  So she had gone to live with her mother’s mother who happened to be a cosmetic executive and had more money than God.  But thus had very little time for her emotionally scarred granddaughter.  This had created the perfect environment for self-destructive behavior.  Maria and I had more in common in ways that neither of us liked to acknowledge.
                    “Yeah, for now.  I’m finishing up the last few credits for school.  Blah, blah, blah.  That’s not why I’m calling, Clay!” Maria squealed and I couldn’t help but laugh at her boisterous excitement. 
                    “Okay, okay.  Spill already before you have an aneurism.”  Maria’s girlish laugh filled the other end of the phone and I found that I really did miss her and all of our friends back at Grayson.  Even though I was there to deal with some heavy shit, in a way it was a hell of a lot simpler.  Sure I was only living half a life, but it was an uncomplicated half a life.
                    “I’m coming to Virginia!” she rushed out and I stilled in surprise.
                    “You’re coming to Virginia?  Why?” Okay, so I hadn’t meant to sound so unhappy by the idea.  But hadn’t I just been thinking how uncomplicated my life was at Grayson’s?   That didn’t mean I wanted that life to follow me on the outside.  Compartmentalization was key. 
                    “Wow, don’t sound so thrilled,” Maria said, clearly hurt by my lack of enthusiasm. 
                  “Sorry.  No, that’s cool.  What brings you north of the Florida state line?” I asked, rubbing the piece of skin between my eyebrows.  I was getting a headache.
                    “Well, I’m only going to be there for a few days.  I’m actually heading to Alexandria, to see my older brother, Hector.  I haven’t seen him in years.  And we started talking again while I was in treatment, so I figured it was a good time to come up and see him.  Plus, I thought it would be the perfect excuse to visit with my best friend.”  Way to lay on the guilt.  Sheesh. 
                    “No, that’s cool.  I’d love to see you.  So when will you be coming to Virginia?  You know I could come up to Alexandria to see you.  Save you the hassle of driving to Davidson.” Please, please, please. 
                    I wasn’t sure why this was stressing me out so badly.  But I just knew that Maria being here would push my two worlds uncomfortably together. 
                    “And miss out on seeing all the sights of Davidson, Virginia?  There is no way I’m missing out on that.  I’ll be up next weekend.  I’ll call you when I get to Alexandria and we can sort out a time