Live and Let Drood

drink from my nice cold bottle of Becks, while Molly made serious inroads into her bottle of gin. Nothing like fighting delinquent demon schoolboys and an ex-SAS combat sorcerer to work up a serious thirst. The steward stood to one side, waiting patiently. And giving every indication of being prepared to wait there for as long as was necessary. I looked him over thoughtfully, and only then realised that he wasn’t blinking. Or breathing.
    “Excuse me, steward,” I said. “But…you are dead, aren’t you?”
    “Indeed, sir,” said the steward. “All the staff here are. Though we prefer to think of ourselves as mortally challenged. We served the club in life and continue to serve it in death. Not a lot of difference, really. We are here because we choose to be, because none of us wishes to leave the club. We think of it as ours. The members are just passing through, but we are always here.”
    “I have always been the barman,” said the barman, without being asked.
    “Do the members know?” said Molly.
    “They prefer it, madam,” said the steward. “It means they don’t have to remember our names or bother with gratuities. Now that you are both suitably refreshed, might I again enquire as to your purpose here at the Establishment Club? Can I assist you in any way?”
    “We’re looking for Crow Lee,” I said.
    “Nothing simpler, sir. He’s just this way, in the club library. He’s been waiting for you.”
    I looked at Molly and then back at the steward. “He has?”
    “Oh, indeed, sir. He’s been waiting here for you for quite some time. He came in especially early for him, just to be sure of meeting you.”
    I emptied my bottle of Becks, slammed it down on the bar counter, and nodded briskly to the steward. “Then take us to him. Right now.”
    “Of course, sir. If you and the young lady would like to follow me…”
    He led us out of the emptied bar and set off at a steady pace. Molly and I strolled along behind him, refusing to be hurried, on general principle. Molly was still clinging determinedly to her bottle of gin. I knew better than to comment. She leaned in close beside me to murmur in my ear.
    “So, what’s the plan?”
    “Plan?” I said.
    “We’re about to go up against the Most Evil Man in the World! On his own territory! I think at least one of us ought to have a plan of action. Don’t you?”
    “Well, we can’t just walk in there and kill him,” I said.
    “We can’t?” said Molly. “Are you sure about that, because I’m certainly willing to give it a good try.”
    “What was it you said just now about not killing in cold blood?”
    “That was a person! Just an old pro, like us! This is the Most Evil, et cetera, who will almost certainly kill us if we don’t get our retaliation in first!”
    “He sent my family away,” I said. “It’s always possible he might be able to bring them back again.”
    “Ah,” said Molly. “Yes. All right. So we talk first, see if we can strike some kind of deal, and as soon as it becomes clear we can’t, then we kill him. Any ideas on how?”
    “We improvise,” I said. “Suddenly and violently and all over the place. And try very hard not to get ourselves killed in the process.”
    “How powerful do you think he is, really?” said Molly.
    “I don’t know,” I said. “But I think we’re about to find out the hard way.”
    The steward took us straight to the club library, opened the door and stood well back, allowing Molly and me to enter entirely at our own risk.Even the mortally challenged know better than to get involved in some things. Or to get caught in the crossfire. He announced us as we strode in.
    “Mr. Crow Lee, may I present to you Mr. Edwin Drood, and his associate, Miss Molly Metcalf. Should you require me or any other member of staff, I should point out that we will all be hiding in the cloakroom until the forthcoming unpleasantness is over. At which point we will emerge, as there will no doubt be a great deal of cleaning up to do. Gratuities will be appreciated on this occasion, for the extra work.”
    The closing door cut off his last few words as he absented himself. No one was paying him much attention. Molly and I stood side by side in the club library, facing Crow Lee and his bodyguard. The library wasn’t much, in my opinion. I was used to the massive, extensive libraries of Drood Hall. Repositories of secret and hidden knowledge amassed over centuries; forbidden books laid down to mature like