Live and Let Drood

we’re definitely not tourists, so lay off the purple prose.”
    Madame Osiris sniffed loudly. “All the stalls on all the piers and you had to come walking into mine. I should have seen this coming.” She looked me over in an impersonal sort of way. “So this is the new boyfriend, is it? You always did like them big and dumb, Molly. Whatever happened to…Oh, you know, Big and Blond and Ethereal? I always liked him.”
    “He couldn’t stand the pace,” said Molly. She smiled at me. “This one can.”
    “Nicest thing you’ve ever said about me,” I said.
    Madame Osiris was still giving me the once-over, in a considering sort of way that was probably designed to make me feel uncomfortable. So when in doubt, attack. I struck a deliberately casual pose and gave her my best intimidating smile.
    “We’re not here to have our futures told. We have questions we want answered.”
    “You and the whole world, dearie. Oh, sit down, sit down. You make the place look untidy.”
    I glanced at Molly, who nodded to the only empty chair. I sat down facing Madame Osiris, and she smiled briefly like she’d just won a point. Molly made a point of standing beside me with her arms folded impatiently.
    “Cross my palm with silver, dearie,” Madame Osiris said briskly, “and I shall reveal all.”
    “You’ll catch your death in this weather,” said Molly.
    “How about I cross your palm with gold?” I said. I sent my armour shooting down my arm to cover my hand in a golden gauntlet and slammed it down on the table. Madame Osiris didn’t even jump. Just looked at it like I’d dropped a fresh turd on the table before her.
    “Stone me, it’s a Drood.” She looked at my throat. “Yes, there it is: the golden dog collar. Should have spotted it the moment you walked in…I must be getting old. Looks a bit odd, though; a bit off-colour…” She raised an eyebrow, but I just smiled and said nothing, and pulled the armour back off my hand. Madame Osiris shrugged briefly. “None of my business, dearie. See if I care.” She looked reproachfully at Molly. “Dating a Drood? That really the best you can do? I thought you had better taste. All right. What do you want to know? And, no, I don’t do lottery numbers.”
    “Where can we find the Regent of Shadows?” I said.
    She surprised me then by laughing in my face. “Don’t need a crystal ball for that one, dearie. You don’t find him. He finds you.”
    “Forget the clever dialogue,” I said. “I’m not a tourist. Where, exactly?”
    “You need the Department of the Uncanny, in London,” Madame Osiris said resignedly. “Go to Big Ben and then ask again. And, no, I’m not even a little bit kidding. Word is the Regent’s going up in the world. Probably because he knows all kinds of things he isn’t supposed to…He’s been making a lot of people nervous. Anything else you want from me before I invite you to go to hell by the express route? The last thing I need around here is your kind, lowering the tone and attracting the kind of attention I can well do without. You’re bad news, Molly Metcalf, and you always were.”
    “How can you say that, Madame O, after all we’ve been through together?” said Molly.
    Madame Osiris glared at me. “Run, boy, while you still can. She’ll get you killed. Just like everyone else who gets close to her. The Metcalf sisters have never cared for anyone but themselves. There’s a reason why they’re still alive and the rest of their family isn’t.”
    “Never meet up again with old friends,” Molly said to me. “They’ll always let you down.”
    “And I can’t believe you’re stepping out with a Drood!” snapped Madame Osiris. “You have better reason than most to know what they really are! But then, you never did listen to me. I could have made you big!”
    “This from someone hiding out in a fortune-teller’s stall on Brighton Pier,” said Molly. “How have the mighty fallen…”
    “You little cow…”
    “That’s enough!” I said. “I didn’t come here for this!”
    And something in my voice snapped both their heads round to look at me. Madame Osiris actually looked startled for a moment, and Molly looked at me as though she didn’t know me at all. And then they looked at each other.
    “Is he… ?” said Madame Osiris.
    “Just a bit,” said Molly.
    “You always did know how to pick them, dearie. Whatever happened to Roger Morningstar?”
    “Dead, finally,” said Molly.
    “Then we can all