Lords and Ladies

when she needed all her self reliance, she couldn’t rely on her mind. She could sense the probing of the Queen—she could remember the feel of that mind, from all those decades ago. And she seemed to have her usual skill at Borrowing. But herself —if she didn’t leave little notes for herself, she’d be totally at sea. Being a witch meant knowing exactly who you were and where you were, and she was losing the ability to know both. Last night she’d found herself setting the table for two people. She’d tried to walk into a room she didn’t have. And soon she’d have to fight an elf.
    If you fought an elf and lost…then, if you were lucky, you would die.

    Magrat was brought breakfast in bed by a giggling Millie Chillum.
    “Guests are arriving already, ma’am. And there’s flags and everything down in the square! And Shawn has found the coronation coach!”
    “How can you lose a coach?” said Magrat.
    “It was locked up in one of the old stables, ma’am. He’s giving it a fresh coat of gold paint right now.”
    “But we’re going to be married here ,” said Magrat. “We don’t have to go anywhere.”
    “The king said perhaps you could both ride around a bit. Maybe as far as Bad Ass, he said. With Shawn Ogg as a military escort. So people can wave and shout hooray. And then come back here.”
    Magrat put on her dressing gown and crossed to the tower window. She could see down over the outer walls and into Lancre town square, which was already quite full of people. It would have been a market day in any case, but people were erecting benches as well and the Maypole was already up. There were even a few dwarfs and trolls, politely maintaining a distance from one another.
    “I just saw a monkey walk across the square,” said Magrat.
    “The whole world’s coming to Lancre!” said Millie, who had once been as far as Slice.
    Magrat caught sight of the distant picture of herself and her fiancé.
    “This is stupid,” she said to herself, but Millie heard her and was shocked.
    “What can you mean, ma’am?”
    Magrat spun around.
    “All this! For me !”
    Millie backed away in sudden fright.
    “I’m just Magrat Garlick! Kings ought to marry princesses and duchesses and people like that! People who are used to it! I don’t want people shouting hooray just because I’ve gone by in a coach! And especially not people who’ve known me all my life! All this—this,” her frantic gesture took in the hated garderobe, the huge four-poster bed, and the dressing room full of stiff and expensive clothes, “this stuff …it’s not for me ! It’s for some kind of idea . Didn’t you ever get those cutouts, those dolls, you know, when you were a girl…dolls you cutout, and there were cut-out clothes as well? And you could make her anything you wanted? That’s me ! It’s…it’s like the bees! I’m being turned into a queen whether I want to or not! That’s what’s happening to me!”
    “I’m sure the king bought you all those nice clothes because—”
    “I don’t mean just clothes . I mean people’d be shouting hooray if—if anyone went past in the coach!”
    “But you were the one who fell in love with the king, ma’am,” said Millie, bravely.
    Magrat hesitated for a moment. She’d never quite analyzed that emotion. Eventually she said, “No. He wasn’t king then. No one knew he was going to be king. He was just a sad, nice little man in a cap and bells who everyone ignored.”
    Millie backed away a bit more.
    “I expect it’s nerves, ma’am,” she gabbled. “Everyone feels nervous on the day before their wedding. Shall I…shall I see if I can make you some herbal—”
    “I’m not nervous! And I can do my own herbal tea if I happen to want any!”
    “Cook’s very particular who goes into the herb garden, ma’am,” said Millie.
    “I’ve seen that herb garden! It’s all leggy sage and yellowy parsley! If you can’t stuff it up a chicken’s bum, she doesn’t think it’s an herb! Anyway…who’s queen in this vicinity?”
    “I thought you didn’t want to be, ma’am?” said Millie.
    Magrat stared at her. For a moment she looked as if she was arguing with herself.
    Millie might not have been the best-informed girl in the world, but she wasn’t stupid. She was at the door and through it just as the breakfast tray hit the wall.

    Magrat sat down on the bed with her head in her hands.
    She didn’t want to be queen. Being a queen was like being an actor, and