Lost in You

me.
    Most importantly, it gets me away from the mill and Brookfield. I’ll be doing something different. I won’t follow in my father’s footsteps. I’ll be better. I don’t know what I want to do, but a counselor will help me figure that out. Dylan suggested being a banker because I’m good at math, but all I can think about is climbing the stairs to the roof of our new apartment and lying out under the stars. I can’t wait to hear the horns honking and the sirens blaring.
    I’m about to live a dream. One that I knew I wanted, but made possible by two people who took the time to care and help me achieve this goal. Sure, I could’ve moved there a long time ago. I’ve saved enough for a bus ride, but would’ve been living on the street, begging for a job and a place to sleep. I have a head start now.
    As I walk back to my seat, Dylan winks at me. I sit down and flip open the top and see my name scrolled across parchment paper. It tells me that I’ve achieved the standards set forth by the state and that I’m a graduate.
    If you asked me in September if I was going to graduate, the answer would’ve been no. I had every intention of following Hadley around. I don’t know if she would’ve asked me to or not, but I had hoped. And if she hadn’t, there was a bus ticket with my name on it, destination unknown, just as long as it was away from here.
    Dylan asked me last night if I’m going to see my dad before we leave. I told her, honestly, that I didn’t know. He’s made no effort to try and be a dad and she reminded me that I haven’t tried to be a son. She’s right, of course.
    When I look out to the crowd and see the other parents standing for their children, the parents videotaping and the ones holding bouquets of flowers, I can’t help but wonder why mine are the way they are. Why would parents have children if they don't want to dote on them and be proud of them?
    We all stand as the principal announces us as the graduating class. As practiced, we pull off our caps and throw them in the air, each of us ducking as they come falling back to the ground with their pointy ends first.
    Dylan waits for me as I descend the stairs. I grab her hand and pull her into the aisle, holding on to her tightly. We may not be together, but there isn’t another person I’d want to start my next journey with.

CHAPTER 42
    Hadley
     
     
    I love the winter. I think this is why I refuse to leave New York. There is nothing better than walking down the streets of Manhattan and seeing the storefronts decorated or the fresh smell of roasted peanuts and cashews on every corner. The sounds of children having fun at Rockefeller Center or the joyous screams when someone has just been proposed to coming from the ice rink are what make this place special.
    My black leather boots pound the sidewalk. I’m late. This is nothing unusual and is likely expected, but I’m trying. Ever since I started with my therapist I’ve taken a more laid back approach to things. If I want to sing, I’ll sing. If I want to write, I write. I work for me and no one else. That is probably the most important lesson Dr. Patrick has taught me – I’m important to me . I had forgotten that over the years. Everyone wanted something from me, except for my parents and Alex. Even Coleman wanted something. I was just too blind to see what it was.
    I pull open the heavy wooden door to O’Malley’s. I haven’t been here in about a year, but this is where Coleman wants to celebrate his birthday. Alex and I live not too far from here, within walking distance, so this is our hangout. Family-owned and versed on keeping the privacy of their clients, it quickly became a place for me to relax.
    Strong arms encase me before I even have a chance to take off my scarf. The smell of Old Spice, barley and hops tell me it’s Mr. O’Malley. He picks me up off the ground and spins me around. His laughter is contagious and soon I’m laughing with him and hugging him back. I’ve missed him. When he sets me down, he kisses me on each cheek. His face is lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.
    “It’s been far too long, Hadley.” His words go right to my heart. He’s right. I have no excuse for staying away except for work.
    “I know and I’m sorry, but I promise you, I’ll be around more often. How have you been?” I unbutton my coat and hang it up on the wooden pegs along the wall. I feel safe leaving my stuff there. Mr. O’Malley isn’t going to let