Lost in You

want you in my life. I don’t want to lose you ever again.”
    “I can handle it.”
    I hope he’s right, because not having Ryan in my life isn’t an option. It wasn’t four years ago and it definitely isn’t now.

CHAPTER 45
    Ryan
     
     
    “You’re stupid.”
    “No, I’m not.”
    “YES. YOU. ARE!”
    Dylan yells at the top of her lungs as she throws a glass at my head. I didn’t expect this. Okay, maybe I did, but I thought things would be a bit milder.
    Things have been going amazingly well with Hadley. I’ve seen her every night since that night at O’Malley’s and was her date for Alex and Cole’s wedding. That was the second time we were photographed together, except this time, there was no mistaking that she was with someone.
    After the first night, I tried to take things slow. I didn’t want to rush into having sex with her, unlike the first night, but I’m telling myself that it really didn’t count. It’s a guy thing. Just go with it. My resolve only lasted three days before I couldn’t handle it anymore. We had plans, but when she answered the door in a tight black dress, I lost all ability to think clearly. Ironically, this was the night of my birthday.
    I know things are moving fast. Faster than they should be, but I don’t want to be away from her.
    “What are you going to do about your job?”
    “What about my job?”
    Dylan stands with her hands on her hips. “You work non-stop from February until October. You travel across the country. Are you going to give it up for her?”
    I look at Dylan with confusion. “No, why would I?”
    “Because she’ll want you to go on tour with her, that’s why. Because she’ll want you to be her arm candy at all her awards shows and whatever.” Dylan sits down on the couch and sighs. I know she means well, but this is a bit over the top. Hadley and I discussed our schedules and she’s not going out on tour anytime soon. Besides, her schedule is more flexible.
    “Look, I know you’re protecting me, but this is right. It feels right, Dylan. If I don’t do this, I’ll regret it.”
    “You’re making a mistake. She’s going to hurt you again. You may believe her sad-ass excuses, but I don’t.”
    “You don’t have to.”
    “No, I just have to pick up the pieces again when she rips your heart to shreds.”
    “I don’t feel that, in here.” I put my hand over my heart and plead with Dylan to trust me.
    She shakes her head, wiping her traitor tears away. She stands and grabs her purse. “I can’t watch you do this. Not with her. Anyone but her, Ryan.”
    “It doesn’t work that way and you know it.”
    “I don’t know it, Ry. What I know is that when you were seventeen you were so lost in her that you couldn’t see clearly. You haven’t had a healthy relationship since her.”
    “Our relationship was good.”
    Dylan scoffs. “No it wasn’t. I took advantage of you and you know it. You just don’t want to admit it. We were always better off as friends.”
    I walk over to her and pull her into my arms. “I love you, D. I always have, but she’s the one. I feel alive when I’m with her. Every fiber of my being is on fire when she’s near. I know you don’t want me to get hurt, but I don’t feel like that is going to happen.”
    “And when it does?”
    “Then label me a fool because that’s what I’ll be.”
    Dylan wraps her arms around my waist and holds herself to me. I don’t want this to be goodbye, but I’m hoping after today things will change for Hadley and me.
    “I love you, Ry. I hope you’re enough for her. I’ll be here if you’re not.”
    Dylan lets go and walks out of the door. I look around our apartment, an upgrade from the one we lived in while I was in college. As soon as I was hired by the Yankees we moved here. It’s a bit classier and definitely in a much nicer part of town. Dylan’s in her final year of school and I know she doesn’t need the stress, but this is something I have to do for me.
    I pick up my keys and head out to Hadley’s. We’re supposed to meet up with her manager tonight, but I have other plans. I stop at the corner florist and pick up a couple dozen lilies and roses and carry them the ten blocks to her apartment.
    I think that the worst discovery was that we only lived ten blocks from each other. I’ve jogged down her street many times and never once knew she was there. I climb the steps and meet the doorman. For the most part, her building is fairly secure.