Lost in You

she’s the only one who knows how I’m feeling.”
    “Unbelievable,” he mutters as he storms out of the room. We’re all quiet, waiting for him to start yelling at the road crew or some indication that he’s still lingering, but we hear nothing. Cole pulls me into his arms as I break down. He scoops me up and carries me over to the couch, setting me down gently.
    “I’m going to go so she can change,” he says to Alex. She quickly wraps her arms around me, much like earlier tonight, as I sob. I’m such an idiot for thinking I’m strong enough to handle being away from Ryan. I should’ve listened to my heart and not my head, because clearly my head is so far in the clouds that nothing makes sense.
    Alex helps me change into my sweats before the crew comes in to pack up my things. We are due in another city tomorrow and have a long night ahead of us. Alex packs my essentials for me while I gather my purse. We walk arm in arm out of the dressing room and down the long hall to the bus. When we pass Cole’s dressing room, it’s empty. He’s likely already asleep on the bus. Lucky him.
    We step outside and the flashbulbs are instant. People yell my name and grab at my clothes, startling me. The media isn’t supposed to be back here and I can’t help but think Ian set this up because of what Cole said to him.
    Questions are flying at me right and left about Cole, which I’ve learned to ignore, but when one says Ryan’s name, I freeze. Cameras go off, the constant clicking sound of the shutter irritating me.
    “Who’s Ryan Stone?” a reporter asks. I’m dumbfounded, unable to move. I feel Alex pushing me, her other arm blocking my line of sight, but I don’t move. He told them. Ian told the reporters his name. Something he promised he’d never do. Ryan’s name is repeated over and over again as if my silence is answering all their questions. It won’t matter what I say from here on out, they will hunt him down like vultures until they find out who he is.
    I’m lifted off the ground and carried onto the bus. I bury my face into Cole’s neck as he mutters death threats and Ian’s name. He carries me to our room, the room we’ve been sharing on the bus under the pretense that we’re a couple because Ian says you can never trust your own crew. He lays me down and slides in behind me.
    Alex walks in and hands him something. “Here, get her to take this; it will help her sleep and maybe forget.”
    “Somehow I doubt that,” he says.
    The door clicks quietly. I sigh and wonder where the tears are. How come I’m not crying?
    “Can you sit up?” he asks as he adjusts behind me.
    “I’ll be okay.”
    “I have no doubt, but you need some sleep and your mind will race all night and I need sleep, too, so your tossing and turning will just piss me off.”
    “You’re so kind,” I say as I sit up and take the pill and glass of water from him. He smiles as he downs the rest of my water. Jerk. He leans over and kisses me on the forehead. He lingers there for a moment before pulling away. I know he wants more, but I can’t. Not with him.
    He turns his head slightly and looks at me. “I’m sorry I fucked us up.” With that he gets up and leaves me alone in the room. I hear the bus start up and wonder if Cole has decided to drive it himself, leaving Ian behind. Wouldn’t that be such a nice surprise?
    I lie back down and close my eyes. I hope that I don’t dream, because if I do it will be nothing but a nightmare until I wake up.
     
    When the sun blasts through the window I think Cole forgot to shut the curtains. I roll over, only to find he isn’t in bed and hasn’t been according to the untouched sheets on his side. I look around and realize we aren’t on the bus anymore, but in a hotel room. I get out of bed and hit the bathroom, brushing my hair and teeth and washing my face. My eyes are red and puffy from too much crying and not enough water before going to bed. I’m going to end up paying for it tonight.
    I open my door quietly and step out of the room. The suite is smaller than what we usually stay in. Alex is up and reading in the chair by the window. She smiles at me before continuing to read.
    “Where’s Cole?”
    “His room is across the hall.”
    “How’d we get here?” I ask as I pour myself a glass of orange juice.
    “The bus broke down last night. You were passed out cold. Cole carried you up here.”
    “Where’s Ian?”
    “He’s meeting us at the venue later. He