Love is Always Write Anthology Bonus Volume

kissed him once more. "There's coffee in the thermos," I said. "And a Bavarian crème donut in the bag."
    "You angel," he said, and grabbed both. I trotted around the truck. The donut occupied him until we were on the freeway, then he started drumming on his legs.
    "Lukas—"
    "So who do we tell next?" I asked.
    "…what?"
    "My boss, I think," I said and pulled out my phone. I set it on speaker and had it call work. Alan stared with wide eyes.
    "Jamal," I said when he answered, "I'm heading to Connecticut to marry Alan. I'll be at work on Monday, with my shit together."
    "Congratulations! And you'd better," he said. "I'll get you some steak knives. Or a fondue pot. Ebony will get you something freaky. Don't open it when your mom's around. Got customers. Bye, Lukas."
    "You're really doing it," Alan said when I hung up. "You're telling everyone. You can't change your mind."
    "I won't change my mind," I said, reaching to take his hand. I toyed with the ring on his finger as I drove. "I don't start things I don't intend to finish."
    "Then why do you care if New York has a waiting period?"
    "I won't change my mind," I said again. "But spending twenty-four hours having you watch me for signs I've changed my mind doesn't sound like fun." I lifted his hand to kiss it again, shot him a heated look. "I've got better things to do tonight."
    "God yes," he said.
    Rain started, pelting the windshield so hard Alan jumped. "It's really nasty out there," he said, leaning forward to peer up at the sky.
    "According to the weather maps, we should drive through it before we hit Connecticut." I turned on the wipers and my lights.
    "It's… ominous," Alan said, and shivered.
    "It's November in Pennsylvania." I turned the heater up a notch, took his hand again. "I'd be worried if we had anything but rain."
    Alan grunted and took his hand back. "See, I'll fuck things up. You wouldn't drive one-handed in this if I weren't here."
    "I have good tires, plenty of room around me, and excellent reflexes. The sky looks bad, but it's not raining that hard. I wouldn't drive one-handed if I didn't know I could handle it."
    He grunted again and dropped it, but he still sat on the far side of the cab against the door. Then a few minutes later he leaned sideways in his seatbelt and lay down, curled in a ball on the seat with his head resting on my thigh. "I don't know if I can do this," he said so I could barely hear him over the noise of the truck. I smoothed his hair and shoved down my first reaction of " It's too late, you promised! "
    "Why?" I asked instead.
    "Alan is a big fat coward," he said. "Take seventeen. Or so."
    "What are you afraid of?"
    "Getting everything I ever wanted. And then fucking it up."
    "It's not actually easy to get rid of me," I said.
    He snorted. "Tell me about it." He pressed his face into my leg. "I'm really good at fucking things up, Lukas," he said, muffled by my thigh.
    I smoothed his hair again. "That's not what it looks like to me. I think you're really good at pulling amazing out of bullshit. Look at how far you've come from the life you had."
    "Maybe I'm not crazy," he said into my leg, "but you are."
    "You know I'm not."
    "You have to be. You don't lie, so you have to be crazy. The only other option is that I'm not a fuck-up and that just can't be."
    God, I wanted to go kill someone. I wanted a list of every person who had ever told him he was a fuck-up— but I figured I knew who would be tops on that list, both for frequency and cruelty. I stroked his hair as I drove and the rain worsened. "I think we need to tell your sister," I said.
    "Oh god," he said. "She's going to kill me." He heaved a sigh. "But if I don't call her soon, she'll— I don't know. Kill me harder." He pulled out his phone and put it to his ear. I let my hand rest in his hair.
    "Bea, it's me," Alan said. "Hang on, I'm going to put you on speaker. Umm— I'm with Lukas."
    "Isn't he the one you needed to get away from?" a rich female voice asked as he set the phone on the dash. "Alan, what are you doing, sweets?"
    "You're on speaker," he warned again. "I'm… we're going to Connecticut. To get married."
    "Are you," Bea said. "Baby bird, are you sure?"
    Alan sat up to look at me. "Sure that I want him for all of time?" he said with a quiver in his voice. "Yes. I— think I really am. Sure that I should marry him and fuck up his life? No."
    "Uh-huh…" Bea said before I could think how to answer that. "Lukas?"
    "Yes, ma'am?"
    "Did Alan tell you what