Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 1

you know; birthdays and anniversaries and all that shit. It makes no difference to me, sorry, but that's just how it is, 'cos they're just dates in a calendar, that's all."
    Casey nodded, folding his hands against his lap and determined he'd get out of this one without anymore whimpering.
    "Will you look at me when I'm talking to you?" Jared asked. And Casey did. And as soon as he saw what he'd heard, the kindness in Jared's voice, something so completely out of place, Casey felt the need to punch the guy straight in his face. Wasn't it a little too late to be concerned now? But at the same time he knew it wasn't, it never would be, and even if Jared decided to just cut him loose and never see him again, Casey knew he'd end up waiting anyways.
    But he didn't want to hear anything. He didn't want to hear how it was all too complicated now and how it just wouldn't work anymore, how it wasn't working anymore. Didn't want to hear any gentle lines about how it was good, but just not good enough, and how it wasn't his fault, of course it wasn't.
    "Jared…"
    "No, now you listen. I think you've had your turn already."
    Please don't say anything.
    But of course he did, a lot of words after he first kept still for all eternity and made Casey close to squirming on his bed.
    "I don't think those are important in any way, birthdays and things like that, not 'cos I don't care but because they aren't what defines you. It's just the day you born on, nothing else. And I guess this makes me really stupid, but I didn't know it was such a big deal for you either. And I know it's not just about that one time, and I know I have no fucking clue what else I've forgotten but there must be a lot, right?" All Casey managed to do was nod. Yes, there was. Dates, dinners, parties. Invitations. Phone calls. Meeting up when they were supposed to. Showing up on time. Showing up at all… Yeah, there was some stuff…
    Jared brushed the side of Casey's face with his fingers, smiling absently and still he remained looking like someone out of any daydream, his appearance just as messed up and crumpled. And still he was so exactly what Casey wanted that it was not even funny anymore. He wasn't that shallow to push aside everything bad just to get the wrapping. Right?
    You sure about that, Casey?
    No, he wasn't. He might just survive with a bleeding heart if he could just have sex with Jared for one more time. Just once. But for once Jared looked like he wasn't thinking about sex. Instead he'd gone serious, his other hand resting in Casey's lap and fingers just tapping against the denim.
    "I wanted to bust his skull just for touching you… How's that for not caring?" Jared muttered. His eyes were held where his fingers were moving, and for the longest time he remained completely still, completely quiet, until he looked at Casey and for once he was really looking. Not just the layers but the stuff inside.
    "I might not remember your birthday or whatever other things there might've been, even if you've reminded me over and over again. But I remember the first restaurant we ever went to and those four crépes you had for desert with vanilla syrup and the way you almost purred when the waitress made them stir up a cup of cinnamon coffee outside the menu, just 'cos you had that puppy-look and she couldn't say no. I remember every fucking book you have in your bookshelf, because the first time I was here I was so nervous I kept eyeing on the shelf more than you, when it was you I wanted to see more than anything."
    Oh man… now he did it.
    But of course Jared had to go on. He had to sweep Casey right off his feet and turn his consciousness into a bleeding mess with a million side tones shouting all at the same time.
    "I suck at this… you know, relationship things and sharing and all. Just don't think I don't care about you, because I do. I just don't make a habit of repeating it all the time, but I still feel it. I still miss you when I'm not with you, and I still think you're probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. And the cutest, and the most beautiful and the softest and the sweetest. Not to mention the sexiest… I said it now but I feel it every day even if you never hear it again," Jared murmured with a quiet voice, so close and still miles and miles away and his voice was enough to bring Casey's heart to its knees. Jared tilted his head, looked at Casey for a moment and smiled, shyly, for the first time ever.
    Casey was very, very sure