Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 1

Burning with tears.
    "I really can't do this right now. Whatever it is you wanna say, you can do that tomorrow. Or the day after that, or the day…" Choking with the tears already pushing to surface and Casey turned around, afraid he might just break into pieces, and was already headed towards his bedroom.
    "Don't fucking walk out on me again!"
    "I'm not!" Casey shouted, actually raised his voice and turned around. "I just can't do this right now! I'm tired, Jared, I'm so fucking tired, and I haven't eaten anything all day, so I'm hungry too, and I really don't want to fight with you, but I can't talk about this now 'cos I might just break down and fucking cry! Okay?"
    The look on Jared's face could've probably been worth every humiliating word flying out of Casey's mouth if he wasn't already too raw to feel relieved by that small sign of recognition. No more any of this, he just simply couldn't take any of it any more.
    "Casey–" Jared took a step towards him, but Casey recoiled and shook his head. "Don't. Just… don't. Anything. Just not now, okay?"
    And then he turned on his heels and forced his feet to work with him when he went to his bedroom. Running away, running off. Walking away, just like Jared had said. And once in his bedroom, just coherent enough to push the door closed, or at least trying to, Casey sat in the edge of his bed, waiting to hear the front door close behind Jared. The tears were there, every fucking one of them, and he didn't want to shed a single one. Not now, not ever, but he knew they would come, and they did. Burning against his lids, making the view of his dark room turn blurry until he had to close his eyes and just wipe his cheeks.
    Who the hell cries over something as little as this?
    You do, Casey.
    Well… besides him, that is.
    Casey took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but it was all just a bit too much right now. And when the door got pushed open and he saw Jared's figure at the door, he only managed to chuckle.
    Didn't that seal his inferiority just perfectly?
    Jared stood still for a moment before he came closer, and Casey managed to push himself further on the bed before Jared stood in front of him. And then he knelt between Casey's feet, hands coming up against his knees and even through Casey's jeans the touch sent shivers through his body.
    "Can't you just go already?"
    "No," Jared said. Nothing else, just 'no', as if that was enough. And somehow it was and Casey only managed to shudder when he tried to keep the tears from spilling again.
    "Casey, I really am sorry."
    "No you're not."
    "Yes, I am," Jared pushed. Casey stared at the floor, that little spot that was left in his view, that spot that wasn't covered with his feet or with Jared's thighs.
    "I didn't want to make you feel bad… shit, I never wanted you to feel like this , and–"
    "You didn't… Don't you get it?" Casey asked and even with the tears he now looked at Jared. In the darkness, only light pouring from the open door, and he could still see the features. "You didn't do this. I did. I made myself feel like this, not you. You didn't do anything wrong, honestly you didn't. I did. Just me. So please, just go home, and we'll talk about this whole thing some other day."
    "What? Go home and miss all the fun you're having? Not a chance," Jared muttered and raised his hand, gently wiping wet trails off from Casey's cheeks. He'd never felt as embarrassed as he did now, but then again he'd been acting like a weak old lady ever since the morning, so Jared probably knew to expect anything from him already.
    "Must be hard, I know, but please stop crying for a minute, okay?" Jared muttered. There was a one-sided smile on his lips, the one that always made him look lazy, but Casey knew he wasn't. He was anything but lazy. Jared cupped Casey's face in his hand, making a few strokes with his thumb across Casey's cheek. "I can't talk when you're sobbing."
    "I wasn't sobbing." Perhaps he was. But Casey shook his head quickly, pulling back to get away from Jared's touch and shrugged. "See… no more crying. Now just say what you have to say, and then get out."
    Really, Jared, please get out, or I might just lose the last of my dignity.
    Jared remained still, his hand now dropped to Casey's lap but he pulled his hand away. No touch, just the look and still Casey felt like he was crucified on the bed.
    "I know I forgot… I always do. But it's not just you, Casey. It's everyone. I'm not good with stuff like that,