Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 1

anything else.
    Jared looked at him for a moment but then he shook his head.
    "I don't think I can."
    Casey sighed, nodding in tiny movements and looked at the TV. No going back then.
    How the hell had he even gone this far? Sex was sex, simple as that. So why did he care for someone he only randomly had sex with? Made no sense. It wasn't as if they'd spent that much time together. Wasn't as if he'd ever been that close to Jared's life that he could even find any point of reference to his own. But still he wanted so much more that what he had. Well… had had, since now he wasn't sure if he had anything.
    "I didn't know we have to put labels on things," Jared said. Casey looked at the man sitting next to him, one now leaning with his arms against his knees, face turned towards the TV and eyes held on the screen. "I didn't know you wanted us to do that, and I just… I guess I just wish you would've told me a lot earlier."
    Jared shirt was wrinkled, probably due to sleeping on the couch, his hair was still a mess and he had a cushion print just beneath his cheekbone. And Casey still thought he looked like the most handsome man he'd ever seen. Not his man, though. Never was, never would be.
    "Yeah… I probably should've."
    "No, not probably . Definitely should've. I didn't know you needed that to feel… cared for. I had no idea you wanted to be called 'boyfriend' to feel like I give a shit."
    "I never said I wanted that," Casey muttered. He recognized Jared's tone, and knew they were headed straight back to the shouting match. And for now he was just too tired to do any of it. "I really can't do this right now. Sorry, but I can't. So if you don't mind, I'll–"
    "Yes, I do mind!" Jared sprung up and moved from the narrow space created by the couch and the table next to it. Jared paced in front of the TV for a second, quickly glancing at Casey and silently cursing. "You can't just say all that and then get out."
    "Well, I kinda had to since you wouldn't leave."
    "That's not what I meant. You can't just say all that and expect me to just take it. That's not what you do when you're in a relationship. When you're in a relationship, you talk and you have a conversation, you don't just shout at each other."
    "Well… then it's a good thing we don't have a relationship," Casey muttered, just to earn a pissed glare from Jared. "What? All of a sudden we do have a relationship, is that it? Now that you got your precious little feelings hurt and you feel like you weren't given the chance to defend yourself, now we're a couple and we should talk this over? I don't think so."
    Casey stood up, and took a step towards the kitchen and he was somewhat clear enough to realize Jared was steaming by now.
    "You know…" he muttered and turned to face Jared. "You think this is a relationship? Have you ever even told any of your friends about me?"
    "What the fuck does that have to do with anything?"
    "Have you ever even thought about telling any of your side-fucks about me?"
    "Oh like you told about me to that asshole in the bar last night?"
    "Oh god… are you fucking kidding me?" Casey almost laughed, almost. "You can't honestly think that was anywhere near what you do, can you? I had a drink with him, that's all. I didn't fuck him, I didn't even fucking touch him, and you think you can compare him to any of your little friends? And just so you know, I did tell him about you. I actually bled my heart out to him, which is probably why he didn't want me to leave with you."
    "Oh… how very kind of him. I'm sure that was the only reason why he didn't want you to leave," Jared snorted. His body was no longer relaxed and at ease. Now he looked like the man Casey was used to seeing; tense and rigid and so unbelievably on the edge, that for a second he felt genuinely afraid. But perhaps Jared saw the fear, because he seemed to snap out of whatever haze he was in and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath before looking at Casey.
    "I'm sorry."
    "No you're not." And Casey knew he wasn't. He never was, not for anything. Jared always said it was better to forget than to forgive, and he never apologized. Why the hell should he start now? "I don't wanna fight with you, I really don't. But I'm not going to feel guilty for sitting with someone in a bar and just talking. I won't do that, Jared. Not even for you."
    Casey took a step back, suddenly feeling awkward again, and too self-aware and even with the dim light in the room his eyes were hurting.