Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 1

and insensitive and just leave without forcing Casey to face the damage now ? He actually wanted to take back his words, because they made it impossible for them to just carry on. While driving around the town with no actual stopping point Casey had been forced to admit to himself, that even a life with a fraction of Jared was better than a life with no Jared. And now that life alone was looming over his head, Casey wanted to just give up and beg Jared to forget. Ignore what he'd said.
    Just get in there and beg for mercy on your hands and knees.
    Casey shrugged and took the keys before he got out, locked the car and went inside. The short walk from the car to his foyer seemed to last for hours and still he had no time to prepare for what he found in his own home.
    Jared wasn't just still there; he was sleeping on the couch, obviously wandered to the la-la-lands in the middle of some TV-show, because the TV was still on, and he still had the remote in his hand. And against everything all Casey could sum up inside him was tenderness.
    Jared's dark hair was tossed around, crumbled and probably tangled. His face was relaxed and all the tension in his body had melted off, leaving the strong frame breathlessly beautiful. He looked just as Casey had remembered. Those few times Jared had actually stayed for the night, Casey had seen him like this, and he'd craved to have him like this more often. Relaxed and at ease, not at all controlling and over-energetic, but just silent and still so that Casey could fit against him and just feel him for a second.
    Casey placed his keys on the bureau behind the couch when he went closer, not sure if he should wake Jared or just let him sleep. God knew he was tired himself, not really having slept enough the night before, and Jared hadn't slept any longer than he had. So he just stood there, eyes shifting from the man to the TV, afraid any movement might shatter the pretty little picture his living room now presented. But then Jared took a deep breath, grunted in mid-sleep and stretched while opening his eyes, and there was a moment of complete silence when they just looked at each other.
    Please, don't let this be the last time I have him in my home.
    "Shit… what time is it?"
    "Little before nine."
    "Already?" Jared mumbled and sat up. He rubbed his face and glanced at Casey. "You were gone that long?"
    Casey nodded, not sure what he was supposed to do. He felt raw, bared from his thoughts and he was so incredibly tired he just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. For hours. For days.
    "I thought you'd have left by now." Oh… that didn't come out right. "I mean… I didn't expect you to be here. You know… waiting."
    "Yeah… I was going to leave, but then I didn't. I thought we didn't quite finish the conversation."
    Casey nodded, but said nothing. Jared looked at the TV before he turned to Casey, and his eyes were so bright that even in the dim light of his living room Casey could see the blueness.
    "I… um… are you hungry? I can fix you up with something if you like." Great… he was already falling back to his old patterns. Pathetic. Again just pathetic.
    "Actually, I ate already. The casserole was good. Really good. Lamb, was it?"
    "Yeah." And then they stayed quiet. Awkward and nervous, like walking on eggshells.
    Casey bit his lip and took a cautious step towards the couch. He felt like a stranger in his own home, not at all familiar and cozy, while his home had always been the place for him to feel just that. Now the room felt like a tomb, somewhere he was afraid to speak in because he might cause too much noise.
    He sat on the other end of the couch, breathing slowly and as silently as possible, but the silence finally got the best of him.
    "Look, I–"
    "I'm really–"
    They both spoke at the same time, and they went quiet as one as well. Casey looked at Jared, and he was met with those blue eyes, and every thought in his head just vanished. Every apology for his outburst was gone and all he could think was how fucking scared he was. Scared he'd said too much after all, that there was no way back and that he'd finally lost something he really wanted to have.
    "Can you please forget everything I said? Just… pretend none of it happened and ignore everything?" Casey knew he was almost pleading, but he didn't care. He had no pride, none at all. And even if that made him even more pathetic and definitely not someone worthy of hanging on to, he couldn't find words for